Your Essential Guide to Dating a Woman With Older Brothers

Girl with older brother dating
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist

You don't get to pick your big brother, and he often likes to clap back that he didn’t pick you, either. Growing up in my big brother's shadow, I adored him and thought everything spewing from his mouth was gospel -- including his early claims that I was adopted.

Women with older brothers were groomed differently than those without. You can spot one of us a mile away: by our confidence, our sarcasm, our varying levels of crazy. And dating a woman who grew up with an older male sibling is unlike any other relationship match-up. For those of you who are new to this game, here's what to expect when you fall for a woman who was raised by wolves -- er, brothers.

We're low-maintenance

To get through childhood, younger sisters develop thick skin. It's hard to pull off being crazy emotional when you live with "even-tempered" boys who shrug off pain of all kinds. Also, we've seen our brothers deal with crazy women and silently vowed to never be that girl. So, we aren't always the last to get ready. We don't nag. We're happy to go Dutch from time to time, and don't expect dates to be excessive or expensive. Dating a woman with an older brother ups your odds of having someone invested in you, not your trust fund.

Little sisters turn from tomboys into badass women -- so while we want to be spoiled and enjoy every moment, we don't seek the fulfillment of those things materially. Our brothers were always there to protect us, and along the way we learned to really protect ourselves emotionally. So once we let you in and show vulnerability, that's how you know we're truly invested. When we play, we play hard. The same is true for love.

Our older brothers probably won't like you... at first

Older brothers are girls' first friends. But they're also father figures. So naturally, their instincts are to judge (or punch) first, and ask questions later. Gentlemen callers, be wary! You don't want to come across like a kiss-ass, nor do you want to seem too aloof. And for goodness sake, DO NOT try to act all buddy-buddy when you meet the brother for the first time. If you really want to attract his (positive) attention, be sure to dote on me (without excessive PDA)  in front of him.

We understand (and can differentiate) boys vs. men

Having an older brother around makes the dating arena a lot less intimidating because he teaches us how to play the game. While a big brother’s advice can't prevent inevitable heartbreak, it can certainly help us navigate any situation. We learn early to define what we want in a partner, go after it, and not tolerate BS.

Girl goofing off with older brother
Sjale/Shutterstock

We have (some) patience

While we may not always be in the mood for pranks, we can play. Exercising patience was the only way for me to preserve any ounce of sanity growing up with an older brother. Big brothers (along with science!) teach us that men take forever to mature. And that’s perfectly OK for women like me.

A lot of clothes will go missing

We're going to steal your sweaters, hoodies, T-shirts, and boxer briefs. And it’s not always strictly about wanting to feel close to you -- little sisters know from experience (and tons of hand-me-downs) that men's clothing is the most comfortable stuff on Earth.

We have your back    

I can't count the number of times I've covered for my older brother; and don't regret any of it. I knew in those moments he was counting on me. Our brothers teach us loyalty -- a skill you can’t learn in school. Once you've earned our trust, we'll go to bat for you over and over.

Guys hanging out
Syda Productions/Shutterstock

We understand "guy time"

Sure, lots of things are fun to do with your girlfriend. But every man needs balance. And we won't guilt you for needing time with the boys. Weekends away, fishing trips, poker nights: that stuff doesn't bother us a bit.

But also, we're the kinds of women you can bring around your guy friends without killing all the fun. We're naturally more inclined to get along better with guys since we grew up that way. So we're down for random adventures, rocky mountain trails at midnight, bonfires, video game marathons, and sporting events.

We won't push

Girls who grew up with big brothers know that men aren’t usually big talkers -- especially when it comes to relationships. We know you're not dying to talk about your feelings, and we're good with it. If you say nothing's wrong, we believe you.

We also won't hold grudges. So you don't ever have to worry about us hanging on to last week's fight for the next three months. Some things take time to work themselves out. We know that mistakes happen, too -- so you get the added benefit of our huge forgiveness reservoir.

We'll laugh at your jokes -- and ourselves

Dads may be the kings of corny jokes; but big brothers help us see the humor all around us. Older male siblings make life one big comedy show. And in doing so, we learn to find self-deprecating humor in our own behaviors and relationships. Our minds are sharp; our tongues are even sharper. We can take a joke and we have no problem going toe-to-toe. Make us laugh, and you're in.

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Nadia Watson is a contributing writer for Thrillist and firm believer that all girls with older brothers know how to think like a man and be treated like royalty. She should know -- she's still the princess of her family.  Follow her highness on Twitter and Instagram: @illuminadi.