LELO INEZ: $15,000. Yep, $15,000 for something you stick inside your body and have to clean off with a wet rag after you goop all over it. My apologies to Goop for using the word "goop" in such a mischievous way. Crafted from stainless steel and covered in real 24-karat gold, it's touted for "those who understand that you can't put a price on pleasure" and can only be purchased by -- we assume -- Gwyneth "Goopy" Paltrow herself.
Grand total? $17,565.79. That's how much it would take to purchase all of these items. It's important to take a step back and realize that you can still make people feel poor by way of sex toys. Thank you, Gwyneth Paltrow, for making me feel like I'll never amount to anything in life. I'm going to go take a tepid bath.
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Jeremy Glass is a writer for Thrillist and wishes he hadn't first seen Shakespeare in Love with his parents.