Sex Tips for Boring People: Taking Virginity, Erectile Dysfunction, and 'Normal' Ejaculation
Sex Tips for Boring People will take your sex life from vanilla to passion fruit. Or at least from vanilla to vanilla bean. Find more sexy advice right here.
A girl asked me to take her virginity. What should I do?
First things first... do you like her? No, but I mean do you REALLY like her? If you "bang" a virgin, you're an asshole. That's what you need to remember. Someone's first time really should be something special. There's no need to sidestep that cliche. You're setting the tone for the next year of their sexual life and will be the standard to which they hold future hookups, until the day they realize you weren't really all THAT great.
"Are you attracted to her beyond the fact that she is offering herself up to you?" asks Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a licensed marriage and sex therapist, and the resident sex expert at Adam and Eve. "I don't recommend doing it just to do it. That could complicate things. You need to figure out how she feels about you. Are there strings or other expectations? And you need to figure out how you feel about her."
If you care about this person and can handle the emotional aftermath, then definitely do it. But if you're just looking to score that prized bedpost notch, better to find someone else and role-play.
What's the best way to handle it when a guy can't get it up?
Calling unnecessary attention to it is NOT the answer to that question. He 100% feels worse about it than you do. You're probably thinking, "Meh, OK. Guess I'm not having sex tonight." He's thinking, "I wish I was dead." Be sensitive! This is the male equivalent of you farting while he's going down on you.
"Move on to other behaviors," says Dr. Kat. "Many guys know this will happen occasionally and that it isn't a big deal, so you need to reinforce that and not stigmatize the issue. Keep the play going. Maybe he knows that a different position or oral might help. Ask him if he wants to continue and what might help. Some guys may want to take a little break and revisit it in a few minutes. See if he can continue being physical in between even if it's just kissing, fondling, massage, or cuddling. It will help you both stay engaged, with no expectations -- but [also] help you to not feel like you're starting from square one."
What is a normal amount of ejaculation?
I'm hesitant to use the world "normal" when it comes to anything sexual, since everyone is different. But since you asked, an average volume of ejaculate is 2-5ml, says Dr. Darius Paduch, an associate professor of urology and reproductive medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College.
That said, if you are producing more or less, there's nothing to be alarmed about. Just bring extra (or fewer!) paper towels.
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Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist. All of her dates are tax deductible. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter: @drillinjourneys.