The commodification of manliness has reached a new zenith: a peak where testosterone is watered down into brand-name everything, where it’s increasingly difficult to discern between the manly men and the posers without holding a wood-splitting competition.
We’ve castrated Paul Bunyan, using nothing more than a flannel shirt.
The lumbersexual is here for at least another fall/winter season, and that’s not good for anyone -- especially the women who want to date them.
The impressive impersonation of manliness that lumbersexuals achieve with a costume of beards and outdoor clothes is like any other fashion trend in which we play adult dress-up. But other trends don’t put such an emphasis on primal brawn -- and no other modern fad gets straight girls’ pulses pumping like the lumbersexual. Because let’s face it: lumbersexuals are hot! Their appearances remind us of a time when men were big and strong and built things not from Ikea.
But what we’re actually getting is a mirage: a deliberate hairdo, callous-free hands, a desk job, and an utter ignorance of the natural world. Men who know how to pound nails, split wood, and live off the land have unwittingly lent their no-nonsense, outdoorsy wardrobes to dudes who don’t know the first thing about how to fell a tree or wrestle a bear. They can’t even wrestle bears, these guys! And this rush to exude manliness during an era of uncertain masculinity has caused us to lose its very essence.