How to Talk to a Woman on a Date With Someone Else
Fact: women LOVE to be approached, no matter the location, state of their bowels, placement of their headphones... or company of other men whom they are clearly dating. As long as you have gusto, you'll be sure to score (at least for the night!).
It's true, most women spend most of their time just wishing a man would approach them -- and date night is no exception. Many ladies would love to be doubly validated by having some mysterious stranger pick them up while they're out on a date with someone else. With men's validation as a woman's only means of self-acceptance, getting a two-for-one on a Friday night on the town is extra special.
Men, this is the secret to dating! Take a woman's actions, and read them in the complete opposite manner from which they were presented. Who needs to speak plain English when you've got the language of seduction working in your court?
Score another man's date with these five simple steps.
1. Approach her with confidence
There is nothing a woman loves more than confidence. You're at the restaurant (alone, because you're here to score yourself a babe, remember?). You look to the bawdy brunette at a table for two and think, "This lovely damsel would much rather go home to my gallant bed than sleep with this man she met on OkCupid."
You're probably right! Wait until her date is away from the table and then march up to her as Gaston might approach Belle -- that man had swagger, and so do you.
2. Bring an assortment of wigs
In all likeliness, the hotter the girl you approach, the more unintelligent she will be. You don't want to frighten her when, in truth, you've come to rescue her. To ease her into conversation, wear a wig that matches the hair of her date.
This way, she will momentarily think that you and her date are one in the same, and won't be nervous. Once you've bundled her into your web of charm and infinite valor, whip the wig off wildly and scream, "I AM NOT YOUR DATE! WILL YOU BE MY LADY LOVER?!" Just like Sex Panther, 60% of the time this line works every time.
3. Acknowledge the awkwardness
You'll want to try this quirky verbal trick called "Acknowledge the Awkwardness." Own up to the fact that this is an unusual circumstance for you. Tell this dear maiden that you only came to this bar to drink alone, cry, and call your mother -- but that you saw her looking so rare and ready to fornicate that you had no choice but to try to woo her.
Be sure she knows you're not abandoning another date to talk to her, but came for the very purpose of scraping up another man's sloppy seconds while he was in the john. She will find it delightful and most definitely want to have lots of sex with you.
4. Don't let her say no! She doesn't mean it!
If she's laughed merrily at your wig reveal (point #2!) and given you cause to think she's feeling your jive, you know you're in the clear. If she then goes against all the odds and says she was only being polite, thought you were kidding, and would like to go back to her date, DON'T LET HER!
She's only using her feminine mystique to ensnare you in her emotionally manipulative trap, as women do. Pat her gently on the crown of her head and prepare yourself for step five.
5. Challenge her date to a duel
When her date returns, he or she might be miffed that you've commandeered their date. There is really only one thing you can do: challenge them to a fight to the death. Women love to see their male suitors engage in acts of physical violence as it is the only thing their small brains can comprehend. Be sure he knows this is a duel with swords. Pistols are for pussies.
Assuming you kill her date, you can take her home and ravage her. I'm sure she'll let you skip the condom as you've proved yourself such an upstanding gentleman of the blade.
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