Sex + Dating

How to Be Selfish in the Bedroom Without Seeming Selfish

pillow princess
Daniel Fishel/Thrillist

When it comes to our bedroom personas, we're either givers or takers.

Givers are dominant and do a lot of the legwork; while takers -- otherwise known as "pillow princesses" -- prefer to be doted over and performed on. Many of us fall somewhere in between; and in a single romp, we might fluctuate from giving to receiving and back again. But not me -- I'm a happy taker. It's all about lying back, enjoying the ride, and getting it.

Ladies like me crave the slut-worship of having hot things done to us. Being with guys who worship our bodies is essential. We're also lazy and get tuckered out easily. Sex is a complete cardio workout! The key to making sex enjoyable (without dying of a stroke) is balance and participation. That's the real difference between a pillow princess and an ethical pillow princess. When you're ethical, you're being selfish without seeming selfish. It's kind of ethical, anyway. Here's how to pull it off.

Tell your partner how hot he or she is when they are dominant

You want your partner to feel as sexy as you possibly can. Making each other feel good and ultra-confident ensures a fun sex life. And since you're a pillow princess, your job is to participate vocally to make up for what you lack physically.

Get your dirty talk on point! Tell your partner how hot it makes you to see them being so dominant. Tell them how much you like whatever it is they're doing to your body. Make it exciting! It should be as much about them as it is about you (even though it's really about you).

For a lot of us pillow princesses, we're alpha babes out in the real world. The bedroom is our time to turn all that off and let someone else do the work.

Choose intimate, lazy-girl sex positions

A pillow princess seems like she's being dominated hardcore, but she's really in control of everything that's going on. Let's be real. Guide your partner into super-sexy, super-easy sex positions. It's easy to seem like you're doing a lot when you're really doing nothing at all.

The best positions for lazy-ass pillow princesses are the sit-to-standing and the lotus.

Don't just lie there like a dead fish, boo

Make sure EVERYONE is having a good time. You can get laid without making the sex boring. You are a living, breathing human being and you must reciprocate in your own way.

Don't just lie there like the corpse bride. You are the one getting the five-star sexual treatment, but you've got to be a part of the action. Reach down and give your boo a ball sack massage, tweak his nipples, nibble his neck. You've got to do the small stuff so he doesn't notice he’s carrying all the weight of this activity.

Definitely don't feel bad about your pillow-princess status

It's a part of who you are. It's not a bad thing to be a pillow princess. Plus, it mostly ensures that the men you love respect women. I think when you're a pillow princess, you'd only feel like a douche if someone doesn't accept who you are. That’s not someone you need in your life.

He should be keen to go down on you, want to have you any way you're into, and be TOTALLY OK with that. Own your game as a pillow princess and live your best life.

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Gigi Engle is Thrillist's Sex and Dating staff writer, and the pillow princess of the world. Follow her lovable crazy on Twitter, iTunesFacebook, and Instagram @GigiEngle.