Welcome to In Bed with Gigi Engle, a weekly column in which sex and relationships writer Gigi Engle answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! From threesomes to anal, unrequited love to cheating: We want to hear it all.
For questions on relationships, sex, or anything else, email Gigi at AskGigi@thrillist.com.
Dear Auntie Gigi,
Lately, my girlfriend has been acting a little closed off sexually.
I know for a fact that she watches porn, but she denies it to me. So to spice things up I bought some wrist cuffs and a porno for us to watch together. She said she didn't want to see me get off to other women and refused to watch with me. Understandable, I guess? I can't tell if this is a self-esteem issue for her.
I know she has this sexual energy, but I'm not sure how to unlock it. What can I do to make her feel open to communicating her fantasies and turn-ons to me?
I appreciate your time and thanks for all that you do.
Thanks for your letter. I'd love to help you make sense of this. Sex can bring out odd emotions in all of us that we may not recognize or even know we're feeling.
First things first, we've got to figure out if your partner's sexual plateau is due to something going on emotionally, or the natural taper of a long-term relationship. A reduced sex drive is fairly normal for someone who's been in a serious relationship for a while. That doesn't mean sex will end altogether, or that a couple's sex life will become unsatisfying. It just means you may not always tear each other’s clothes off like you did at the beginning of the relationship.