Breaking up is hard to do.
Once you've ended your romance, you're stuck dealing with even more BS: All the people in your life trying to make you feel better, while inevitably reeking of desperation for you to get over it and get back on the proverbial horse.
Your friends, family, and co-workers mean well, sure. But all the unsolicited well-wishes and advice doesn't always sit so well when you're coming off of a failed relationship. Here are the absolute WORST things you can say to someone who's just suffered through a heartbreak.
You're so much better than him
In the words of Ty from Clueless (RIP Brittany Murphy), "If I'm so much better than him, how come I'm not with him?" Check and mate.
You'll find someone someday
You might think you're being nice by letting me know someone is out there, but we all know you're just doing a piss-poor job of attempting to make me feel better. I thought this guy was the one OUT there and now I have to start dating again.
Which Taylor Swift song best describes your emotional state right now?
Wow, no. If you ask me this, it's going to be "Bad Blood" -- and it wouldn't be directed at my ex.
I always knew that guy was a scumbag
No, you didn't know he was a scumbag. Not really. Don't make this about you. It isn't about you, asshole.
Is it? Is it REALLY though?
You weren't even that into him
Oh, that's so funny. I didn't know you were a fucking mind reader. Please don't tell me about my feelings. Don't ever try to TELL ME how I feel about someone, OK? You can't possibly know what my relationship was like... because you weren't in it.
Just think of all the money you'll save not going out all the time
Ah, yes. Because loneliness is free, I guess.
I definitely saw this coming
Okay, Miss Cleo. Fuck off.
There are other fish in the sea
Hopefully they'll be as rotten as this one and I can just die alone. Here's hoping.
We hated him
Love, my parents. At some point I'll hopefully start dating people my parents DON'T hate and then it can be even worse when we break up because they'll say I made a mistake. Good times ahead, y'all.
Didn't you say you were faking the orgasms?
I did say that, actually.
What were the red flags?
If there were red flags, I probably wouldn't have dated him for so long. If YOU saw red flags, maybe you should have mentioned that to me. Cool.
It'll happen again when you least expect it
Because this one ended so well. I definitely want to go through this again. This has been a BLAST!
Now you get to be single in (name that wild and fun city)! It's going to be so much fun.
IT WILL NOT BE FUN. I will party stupid amounts and then I will crash and burn. Everyone in this city is IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Dodged a bullet with that one
Really? Because it feels like a bullet went right through my heart and obliterated my organs.
He was just using you for sex
Good to know!
He's not mature enough yet
Probably from your mom who has been saying this exact same thing since you were 13. Do guys ever grow up because this is getting insanely depressing?
He probably found someone new and will be dating them within a month
Oh wait, that's not meaning well. Guess my friends are just jerks. Hurray, my life.
One of my serious life regrets was setting you guys up
Says the friend who set you up on your first date. Thanks for dropping this steaming pile of horse dung right on my already-broken heart.
I heard she probably has STDs anyway
Little too late, dude! Sweet Jesus.
I'm glad you came to your senses
I guess I was high for the last few years? This is very comforting. Not.
He was cheating on you so?
Huh. OK, good to know now that WE BROKE UP.