You can tell a whole lot from a first kiss. Unfortunately, many of you out there are saying things that we don’t want to hear. That’s right: you’re bad at kissing. We’re sorry you have to hear it here, but it’s better you know now.
Fortunately we’ve scoured the Earth asking kissing experts from every generation what the best way to master the task is, so that you can be fully prepared to impress the next time you lock lips. All those polled were asked the same question: “What’s the best way to kiss?” These were their responses.
A college athlete
“Like you mean it. With your mouth. Sometimes you can kiss other places.” - Alex, 20, competitive college swimmer.
“Slightly open-mouth with soft lips. Maybe there’s a slight pulling of the lips or biting of the lips. Gentle tongue. NEVER fast.” - Judy, 55, psychologist.
“Make it a full-on Hulk kiss.” - Lenox, professional 4-year-old.
A Jewish bubby
“Don’t be shy about it. Nothing is sexier than a man who wants to kiss you and then just does it….but not too much tongue. I’m not interested in that entire thing.” - Sylvia, 80, Jewish bubby.
A Ukrainian hair dresser
“No chapped lips, but not excessive chapstick either. It has to be a little bit assertive, or manly, but give me a solid 10 seconds before you try to add tongue.” - Julia, 42, Ukrainian hair dresser.
A first grader
“You touch lips.” - Axton, 7, first grader.
“I think it’s about good build-up and anticipation. If a guy surprise-shoves his tongue down your throat, that can be off-putting, but if it’s a first kiss and there is flirting and leaning in and you really want to be kissed... when they finally do it makes it exciting and hot. Also, a little give and a little take. I think if a guy just suctions to your mouth, it can be like a Dementor in Harry Potter. They have to take charge, but also give a second or two to let you kiss back.” - Samantha, 26, special ed teacher.
“You have to do the dip. It’s not a good kiss without the dip.” - Tom, 75, landlord.
A Canadian soldier
“With your lips.” [And then when pressed for a less sarcastic comment...] “Kissing cannot be explained in words. It is an art that best be experienced with practical application.” - Dave, 32, Canadian light infantryman.
An Italian deli worker
“Ha, um... I don’t know. Maybe with a little bit of tongue, but not too much. I like to put my hand on her face. They love that.” - Sal, 39, Italian deli guy.
A sidewalk clipboard guy
“Spontaneous, passionately, don’t hold back if you want to let loose. Maybe it gets a little wet. I don’t like a half-kiss. Kiss someone like you want to be loved. Show you’re alive.” - Robert, 27, sidewalk clipboard guy.
An Irish bartender
“I watch a lot of people drunk kiss. Don’t be those people. It’s so... sloppy. Her mouth is HERE [points to mouth]. Not HERE [points to cheek/neck area].” - Conor, 40, bartender.
“No pointy dagger tongue! When we get the pointy dagger tongue we know it means that they will also be using that method when they do... other things.” - Karen, 50, corporate receptionist.
A random and confused deliveryman
“Um... I don’t know.” - Sushi delivery guy, name and age unknown.
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