Basic Sex Hacks for Basic People
We'll be the first to admit that the words "sex" and "hack" generally shouldn't fall within the same sentence, but this is the internet in 2016 and even the kindest phrase can be taken the wrong way and made into something horrific. That being said, let's talk about sex. If you think you're an expert and have mastered every method of intercourse, you're wrong.
Dead wrong! For every move you're doing right, there are a dozen more that can be improved on; that's where we come in.
Here are some basic (and not-so-basic) ways to improve your time in bed without breaking your back, breaking the bank, or breaking the bank with your back.
Use lube for anal and vaginal sex
Far too many people out there think of lube as a tool that only the world's most elite group of sex maniacs use, when -- in fact -- the truth is quite opposite. Everybody should be using lube for everything, even if you think you don't need it. That goes double for anal -- you're going to want to use more lube than you think necessary… just remember to bring a towel.
Also, don't let a lack of K-Y Jelly ruin your party -- there are plenty of household items that can be MacGyver'd into lube... like yogurt. Weird, right?
Try wearing socks to enhance your orgasm
Dead serious. Believe me, this goes against everything I've ever believed in -- but a Dutch study once concluded that 80% of women wearing socks were able to achieve an orgasm. Why couldn't those women finish up in a sockless state? Apparently because of cold feet. We're not saying you should stop boning halfway through and rummage through your dresser, but it's certainly something worth exploring.
Don't stick anything in your butt that doesn't have a flared bottom
Because it's going to get stuck and a team of highly trained doctors are going to have to remove it while stifling their laughter. So, treat the brown oval with the respect it deserves.
Aim for the G-spot during missionary sex
Yeah, for real; this is one of those Cosmo tips that's actually based in fact. You gotta nail the G-spot. Whether it's by aiming upward during missionary or by simply putting a pillow underneath her lower back, reaching the G-spot is the equivalent to finding the arch of the covenant… except the night won't end with any Nazis' faces melting off.
Consult your penis before any big life decisions
Masturbation relieves stress, soothes headaches, and is really just a fun way to clear your head. If you're faced with a huge decision -- especially one that's particularly sexy -- just take a moment to rub one out. Everyone does it... even monkeys, the OG humans.
Enhance your size by shaving your pubes
It easily adds an inch to your dick… which is good for your confidence. Of course, you should only do it if you really want to -- never let anyone pressure you into shaving.
When a lady is close to finishing... let it happen
Don't go rogue and just try to maintain a steady rhythm until she climaxes. Sex involves more than one person, remember? Don't try anything fancy at the last minute and certainly don't try that special move you saw in that one porno, just stay the course and go the distance.
Use sex toys by yourself and with your partner
You get a toy! You get a toy! Everybody gets a toy! Whether it's a Fleshlight, double-sided dildo, or remote-controlled vibrator, there's a toy out there for everyone. They're fun to use in private and also a blast to experiment with in the bedroom. Pro tip: buy your partner a toy and ask them to use it on you -- it'll spice things up faster than you can say: "That's a spicy meatball!"
Figure out how to easily remove her bra
I don't know who invented the bra clasp, but damn them for creating the most confounding and complicated device know to man. Though it may seem completely impenetrable, there's actually a rather foolproof method of unhooking a bra in one easy motion. This AskMen article makes it sound shockingly easy: "Using your thumb and first two fingers, gently pinch the bra straps material on either side of the clasp and then squeeze them together to release the hooks."
Discover new kinks with the help of the internet
Easier said than done, right? Wrong! Well, right. Obviously, it's not the easiest thing to bring up new ideas in the bedroom -- especially if your partner is squeamish. That's why using something like Sexionnaire is so helpful; both partners take a test in which they're asked about which new things they're interested in trying and the quiz will only reveal the common choices to both people. No one gets embarrassed and you can finally put that French tickler to use!
Learn how to suppress your gag reflex during a BJ
This actually comes in handy during those particularly trying dentist appointments. To quickly and easily suppress your gag reflex, encircle your left thumb in a fist. The pressure apparently distracts your mind and makes you forget about the giant dick in your mouth. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Fist your girl... but not in that way
Here's a little one for when she's on top. Guys, try making Spock's "live long and prosper" sign with your hand and your penis in between the space in your hand. While she's riding, her fun-bits will grind against your knuckles, giving her some added friction and texture to get off on.
Eat good food to produce better-tasting semen
You guys have all heard of the pineapple tip, right? Well, there's more to it than stuffing slices of pineapple down your throat moments before a B-jibber. Urologist Dr. Philip Werthman explains… "Ejaculatory fluid is affected by your body chemistry and testosterone… so if you change your hydration, body chemistry, and testosterone level, you can affect the composition of the fluids to some small degree in volume and perhaps in taste." Nuts, another reason to give up your week-long Big Mac diet.
Do math problems in your head while having sex to last longer
If you're having issues with the ol' peep, there are a couple solutions at hand. Can you tell me the product of 958 times 2,368 without using your calculator? No, you can't. No one can. Figuring it out mid-coitus will distract you and slightly override the sensory side of the brain and keep ya going strong for a few more seconds.
Pretend you're a high school couple on spring break
It's easy for couples to lose the spark -- especially when there are such good shows on Netflix. To maintain that much-desired sexual fire, treat each other like you would a high school girlfriend. Do it in weird places, send each other dirty texts, flash each other. There's no one secret trick to reigniting the passion, but plenty of little things you can do to make it fun.
Schedule sex regularly
Sounds boring, right? It's not. "Lovemaking needs to be viewed as a practice," says Dr. Prudence Hall of The Hall Center in Santa Monica, CA. "We don't always want to meditate or do our yoga, but we know how wonderful it is for us. Lovemaking can be viewed in a similar way. Schedule it and it is more likely to happen!"
Learn how to take better naked selfies
It's actually a lot easier than you think! Use natural light, avoid fluorescent bulbs, mind your framing, stand up straight, and let your junk run wild.
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