Your cellphone's alarm is going off: 7:30am. Last night's tequila shots pulse painfully in your temples as your eyes blink against sticky Maybelline. You yawn and roll over, and it hits you. This is not your bedroom... Although, the naked man snoring to your left does have rippling back muscles. So that’s a plus!
But, what now? Ahead of you is a long, daunting trip back home. And even before that, you must devise a graceful exit plan that takes into consideration last night's cocktail dress and this morning’s dinosaur breath. With that in mind, I present to you tips for making your walk of shame, a walk of pride.
Sometimes, you just know. You can feel it in your loins before you even leave for the bar that circa 12:18am, he’s going to send you that “hi want to meet up?” text. And you’re unapologetically thrilled because, well, you’re horny. But planning ahead for this get-together takes more than sexy undies and shaving your big toe (oh, I have a friend who does that...) It’s about what you don’t do to ensure your morning voyage home goes seamlessly. For example, don’t spend all your paper at the bar in case your 8am cab is cash only. Don’t wear your Lady Gaga heels, or at least stuff a pair of flats in your bag so come daylight you’re not mistaken for working the corner. And skip the hair extensions -- a snarly swamp monster hanging out of your purse while you order coffee will alarm fellow Dunkin' Donuts patrons.