Just the tip
Contrary to what you may have learned from your high-school boyfriend who obviously got his sex ed from porn, you do not have to have his entire penis in your mouth the whole time. In fact, most of the penis’ pleasure is packed into the tip. Use that to your advantage.
Instead of going for the full monty, use your lips, mouth, and the front-half of your tongue to lick, suck, and caress focus most of your oral attention on the head of his penis. And don’t forget to show some extra love to his frenulum, the small V-shaped area nestled on the underside of the penis' head. This, combined with some rhythmic hand strokes, will drive any guy wild -- and costs your throat nothing.
Use your hands
Speaking of strokes, you are not 14 anymore. And you are not bobbing for apples. There is NO REASON your mouth has to do all the work. The trick to a great (and gag-free) blow job is to use the tools at your disposal. Most women don’t realize their hands can provide the pressure and pleasure guys love -- while also providing you with some gag reflex relief.
Here's a great BJ cheat move that recreates a deep-throat sensation without asphyxiation or lockjaw. Get some lube into your hands, then cup one hand around the base of his penis and lightly squeeze. Use the other hand to massage his shaft while you stimulate the head with your mouth. The cupped hand will create a pressure that directs more blood flow to the tip of his member, magnifying his pleasure from your oral handiwork.
Get by with a little help (from your fleshlight)
If you’re not a huge handjob fan to begin with, there is another way to create the same effect. The Fleshlight Quickshot (AKA the "handy hand job helper") has the same patented SuperSkin material as the original male masturbation sleeve, but is open at both ends. The design allows the toy to completely wrap around his penis while leaving the head exposed.
The QuickShot can help you cover more surface area with less effort. Instead of massaging his shaft with your hands, slide the QuickShot up and down the lower part of his penis while your mouth and tongue go to work on the head. The mix of sensations will provide him with a totally blended foreplay experience.
Remember that the most important key to a killer blow job is enthusiasm: the more fun you’re having, the more pleasure he is going to feel. And even if you can’t pull off the daring deepthroat, you still have the tools to blow your partner’s mind.
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Dr. Emily Morse is a sexologist, relationship expert, host of the top-downloaded podcast Sex with Emily, and star of Bravo TV’s Miss Advised. And she never wants you to gag again. Follow her on Twitter: @SexWithEmily.