I am no stranger to making bad decisions in life. I’m the kind of guy who buys pants without trying them on first. The guy who orders the shrimp cocktail at a greasy diner.
One mistake I consciously and consistently make is the act of refusing to buy flowers for loved ones. It’s gotten me into some real trouble with girlfriends, and has disappointed, well, only one mother.
But you know what? For once, I refuse to label THIS decision a mistake. It is a soundly reasoned choice. Allow me to explain.
Flowers are born to die
The average bouquet of flowers lasts one week -- max. That’s seven days of hell in which your gift literally withers away and dies at the hands of another… and that’s all assuming said other knows how to take care of them. What happens to a bunch of flowers after they’re given as a gift? They’re fawned over for a day or two before they’re stowed away in a shoddy vase as the petals begin to wither and droop.
They're the gift that's meant to be forgotten
Sure, there are plenty of gifts out there that are meant to be discarded -- cookies, birthday cards, Edible Arrangements -- but only flowers are thrown away because they start to rot. If you have roses, they turn black; any other kind of flower will lose its petals all over your coffee table and remind you of the sheer fragility of life. Even worse, if you don’t put your roses in the trash, you get that awful stale smell of vase water and dirt. Now you've got olfactory warfare, along with blackened roses giving your home an early 2000s emo vibe.