Little did I know, the makings of real feelings were bubbling under the surface. I didn't want to acknowledge them. I was not gay, so this was not fair to Rae.
Any time we drank together, I told her how much I liked her. I was messing with her head and didn't even realize it, or I guess I didn't care. They say alcohol-fueled words are sober truths; but I had a bit of a drinking problem -- and a bigger issue with taking a long, sober look at what I'd done the night before.
We'd wake up the next day and act like nothing happened. This went on for months until one morning, fighting a severe hangover in late spring, I realized that my feelings for Rae were not simply the product of alcohol. They were very real.
We went from best friends to girlfriends
I jumped at this miraculous epiphany and asked her to be my girlfriend. I didn't care that I wasn't really gay. "I like people, not genders," I told myself.
We went on dates, held hands, kissed, and fooled around -- but in the three months we were together, we didn't have sex. I tried to sleep with Rae after we'd been drinking and I had the courage to ask, but she always said she wasn't ready.