Sex + Dating

Everything You Feel When Your Ex Breaks Up With the Person They Left You For

Jennifer Aniston Brangelina Breakup
Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Breakups are super complex. Breakups caused by cheating are even more complex -- and breakups caused by cheating that end in your partner leaving you for the person they cheated with? Most complex of all.

In the wake of the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie split, we can't help but wonder what Jennifer Aniston must be thinking. Of course, we can't blame her too much if she snickers just a little bit over this one. It's also got us recalling all the complicated feels we had when our exes trotted off with someone new, only to have their hearts raked through the coals like ours were.

Regardless of their reasons for cheating, that shit hurts in real ways that are ridiculously difficult to come to grips with. Here are all the thoughts we go through when an ex gets dumped by the person they left you for. Isn't karma a beautiful bitch?

I hope they find happiness… actually, no, never mind

Your ex was someone you once loved more than anyone in the world. You want them to be happy because you know what a great person they can be when they aren't being a cheating POS. You feel kind of sad for them. You know what it's like to hurt and wouldn't want that for them.

Yet, they are also a cheating, lying scumbag who left you for some hot new piece of meat. And lied about it. So in that case, "FUCK YOU."

I'm surprised, but not THAT surprised

I mean, you expected them to break up since their house-of-cards relationship was based on lies. You said as much to all your buddies over that fourth round. But you are surprised. And, admit it, relieved.

Because you were afraid that this relationship would be stronger than the one you had. And because some part of you hoped (even a little bit, admit it) that after everything some lying, sniveling ex put you through, after all the heartbreak and pain, it would at least be for the real thing. Eh -- c'est la vie. What a waste.

Karma is a glorious, universal law

Karma is a sneaky lady and she always comes out on top. There is no escape! So, while you have so much compassion for your ex and the heartache they're surely suffering through… let's just say they had it coming.

Take that, Brangelina! And screw you, Brad.

I'm still sour, but don't really hate the person I was left for (as much)

At the end of the day, it was your cheating ex orchestrating the deception and the leaving -- not the person they left you for. You might have once blamed this third party for breaking up your relationship -- but you've come to realize they have nothing to do with you. Your ex is the asshole.

Hey, you might even feel like thanking this other person for making your ex feel as bad as you felt once upon a time.

I feel vindicated -- and (thankfully) also pretty indifferent at this point

If my ex left me for another woman, I would be so devastated. I know I would have a really hard time getting over it. But I WOULD get over it. I know I would get over it. And by the time those two asshats broke up, I'd be way past all that drama.

Hell, Jen sure is. She just celebrated her one-year anniversary with her husband, Justin Theroux, who is HOT. Don't believe me? Click here.

So, while you might feel pretty good about the fact that your monster of an ex finally got what they deserve, you're not going to be that fired up about it because you've moved on with your life. At this point, you're probably just feeling sorry for your ex. He or she is going through a shitstorm of a divorce and you're over here with your hot-ass husband living your best life.

At the end of the day, we can join together, united by the bonds of sisterhood, and remember, with deep and profound fondness, that both Brad and your ex look like shit these days. You're the real winner in this game of cat and mouse.

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Gigi is Thrillist's Sex and Dating staff writer. She asked if she could "go home to cope with the Brangelina breakup" and her boss said no and made her write this instead. Follow her lovable crazy on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram @GigiEngle.