Expert Tips for Delivering Next-Level Orgasms
It’s one thing to have great sex. But it’s another thing entirely to feel confident in your ability to deliver mind-blowing orgasms to your partner, every time, like a damn boss. Since all happy endings aren’t created equal, we turned to Jenny Block, author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm for some below-the-belt tips. Here are the master’s secrets.
Buck up and bring sex toys into the bedroom
Block wishes people were braver about sex toys. “External clitoral stimulation is not a science, it’s an art,” she says. “Women require 23 to 30 minutes of clitoral stimulation on average to climax, and there’s only so much a tongue or a penis can do.” She swears by the constant, consistent pulsing a vibrator can provide. Bonus: a vibe will keep your arm from cramping up during that half-hour. (One of Block’s favorite toys for partner sex is Betty Dodson’s Vaginal Barbell which, while frightening-looking, at least doesn’t look like a dick.)
Bring on the blended orgasm
Blended orgasm? Sounds intriguing. “For most women, the best orgasm is the blended orgasm,” says Block. You know: the one where vaginal penetration, direct stimulation of the external bud of the clitoris, and -- if willing! -- backdoor or perineal play is involved. The clit alone is an internal wonderland of “legs” or nerve endings more intricate than any of us can imagine. “The idea is to activate as many nerve endings as possible,” says Block.
Get into position
“The most orgasmic position is for a woman to lie on her back with her legs spread open,” Block says. Sure, she can have toe-curling orgasms in other positions, but this one provides you with a full-frontal view and access to all the most important sexy parts. A buffet of sexual pleasure, if you will.
Engage the brain
If you and your partner just had a fight, the kids are bickering in the other room, or you had a shitty day, it’s going to mess with your ability to get off. Arousal is key here. But how to get in the mood?
“The mental game is really important,” says Block. “Talk dirty, watch porn, read erotica: anything that gets the brain where it needs to be. To have your ultimate orgasm, have your ultimate fantasy.”
Think about what turns you on and let your mind wander. Whether it’s playing cowgirl, leaving the door cracked or introducing a full-length mirror, Block encourages partners to have fun and explore. But whatever you do, do not talk about coming. It’s a surefire way to kill the moment.
Consider your environment
“To orgasm, you need to be fully relaxed,” says Block. “If you’re worried about rolling over onto a pizza stain on the sheets, you aren’t going to come.”
Make a mental checklist. Does this room stink? Can we scream like banshees (i.e. are you home alone)? Is there a piece of pizza on this bed? Clean up, make it smell nice, turn down the lights and get some candles going.
Lose track of time
“When it comes to having an orgasm, there’s no such thing as taking too long,” says Block. “The longer the tease, the more fulfilling the please.”
Women take roughly the same amount of time as men to come -- but remember that penetration alone doesn’t count toward time on task the same way external clit stimulation does (sorry fellas!). In order to keep things ticking along smoothly, remove any clocks, phones or devices that keep track of time from the room.
Communication is key
The key to great sex is communication. If you know what you like, show and tell your partner. In a perfect world, each of you should be as committed to the other’s pleasure as you are to your own. Get to know your body through masturbation, then advocate for your orgasm. Block talks with her partner before, during, and after sex. They both ask for what they want; and post-climax, they “debrief.” Talking about your experiences will make your next orgasm even better.
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Charyn Pfeuffer is a Seattle-based freelance writer whose sex education began as a pre-teen listening to Dr. Ruth’s late-night show on her Sony Walkman. Follow her on Twitter: @charynpfeuffer.