Have you ever had sex with someone you really, really loved and had an out-of-body, mind-boggling experience? Or afterward (and during) felt so close to that person you thought you were speaking to their SOUL? Have you ever had such incredible sex that you momentarily think you might actually melt into the bedspread and ooze into the floor cracks?
If so, then you, my dears, have experienced "love sex."
I'm a girl who's had plenty of casual lays -- but it wasn't until my current boyfriend that I experienced love sex in all its glory. And it was AMAZING. I even cried, but in a good way. It was the happy, empowered cry only love sex can provide -- what your mom probably refers to as "making love."
It's when you connect with someone on a spiritual level, when the sex is so full of meaning and emotion. This is very different than casual sex. Casual sex is fantastic, but love sex only really happens when you're in a relationship with someone you actually love.
The effect of sex on the brain and body
Orgasms release a slew of neurochemicals into the body that make us feel calm, happy, and procure a sense of intimacy with the person we just slept with. When you come, the brain floods your system with oxytocin -- the "love hormone" that tricks the body into equating sexual passion with love.
When you have emotion-driven sex with someone you actually care about, the endorphins coursing through your body can alter the way you feel about that person, bringing you together in a more profound way. It's not a manufactured connection; it's the real deal.
"Making love is an art, formed by two people with deep feelings and emotions for one another," says Ana Weber, relationship expert and author of Passion Spirit Purpose. "It's a giving behavior with commitment and care." And when it happens between two people in love, it plays a major role in pair-bonding and forming healthy, strong relationships.
Weber says those internal chemicals can influence the "way you think and feel: a total body, mind, and spirit connection." And when the sex is good, it makes your brain and body happy and brings them closer to the brain and body of your partner.
Sex is a powerful boost to healthy relationships
Sex is not THE most important thing in healthy relationships, but it is most definitely a very valuable asset. It is "a physical expression with mental and emotional stimulation," Weber says. Sex helps us connect with our partners. When we're with the right person, sex can even be a borderline sacred experience.
Weber says sex represents about 5% of a relationship: "The other 95% equates to love, companionship, validation, respect, loyalty, care, trust, and all the good attributed to a positive union."
Love sex increases pair-bonding
Pair-bonding signifies a link with another individual that is far stronger, deeper, and longer-lasting than any we might have with a friend. Love sex can help to solidify that incredibly intense connection.
Sex definitely shouldn't be the only thing your relationship is about, but you need it to strengthen that vital sense of attachment. There is no wrong way to experience sexuality. It's really about what works for the two of you as a couple. If you're both content, that's what matters. Get those orgasms and you're on your way to relationship bliss.
Weber tells us that love sex acts as a bridge between two people. It helps create an everlasting link between two people and strengthen their bond. "It does add a sense of security and belonging," she says. "You feel the sexual climax, the high, and a sense that the whole world is great. It is a certain illusion and yet a reality you want more of."
People with great sex lives are happier
"People with healthy sex lives come across as friendlier and with a better approach and attitude towards stress and challenging moments," Weber says. Having sex with someone who you're also wild about is bound to put anyone in a better mood and make life more manageable.
Finding your soulmate means connecting in a sexual, mental, and physical way. And having someone around whom you find fascinating, hilarious, and wonderful -- all while having amazing sex -- is about as fantastic as life can get.