Everything That Happens to You When You're in a Sex Drought
We can all agree sex is great. But we all go through sexual dry spells that leave us grouchy, irritated, and indifferent.
My longest period of celibacy since losing my virginity happened during the summer of 2012. I fell prey to an unfortunate haircut that left me looking ridiculously similar to Rachel from Friends (note to self: no trims at Supercuts... ). Needless to say, there was no dick during that sad, sad summer. I mean, maybe it was more than just the haircut, but there is a direct correlation with the haircut and I’m sticking to this story.
A sex drought is an emotional whirlwind. On the one hand you want to get laid, but on the other hand you want to watch Netflix; you want to meet a great dude or girl, but you also want to hang out with Ben and Jerry. You want love, but you don’t want to deal with bullshit. Listen to me: before your couch has a permanent indent from your butt and your butt alone, you need to know all the crappy things that will happen to you when you’re not getting laid regularly.
You just might reconsider this period of celibacy, friend.
Your immune system weakens
Regular sex is an immune-system booster, increasing your ability to fight off illness. Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that people who engage in regular coitus have a higher concentration of antibodies than those who aren’t getting any booty.
In an ironic twist, going through a drought means an increased chance of getting sick -- which only means you’re then bedridden and can’t go hunting for sex. It's the ultimate Catch-22.
Your ideas suck more
A University of Maryland study found that regular sex in rats made them smarter, with improved mental performance and increased neuron production to aid in long-term memories.
If you’re not having sex, your neuron function isn’t necessarily getting slower, per say; but it also isn't getting any better. Get that nooky! *Dials BAE to make sure he’s home early to bang tonight.*
Unworked, your vagina will atrophy and die (jk, but it will lose some strength)
Let’s be clear, there is none of that revirginization bullshit, but your vagina might seem tighter for another, more rational reason. Just like any muscle in your body, your vagina muscles need practice relaxing and tightening.
When you stop getting laid for a while, your vagina muscles can forget how to relax, causing a feeling of tightness. This can actually make sex painful after you haven’t had it for a while.
Your D will lose its abilities :-/
The saying goes, “If you don’t use it, you lose it!” And creepily enough, that might be true. Womp, womp.
Just like with anything you do, getting strong hard-ons takes frequent execution. Relationship expert April Masini tells Medical Daily: "The more often you have sex, the more confident you become about having it -- both your own ability, and the ability of the relationships in which you’re having the sex.”
Basically, if you don’t have frequent sex you lose some of that mojo that keeps your boners forceful, fearsome, and fantastic.
Celibacy can weaken your bladder
To keep your Kegels strong, tighten and release your vagina muscles for two-minutes a day, like Samantha Jones always says. Strong Kegels won’t necessarily make your lady flower tighter, but a stronger lady flower is a better one.
Get ready to get stressed
Regular sex has been shown in numerous studies to relieve anxiety; and a 2006 study in the Biological Psychology Journal discovered that people who enjoyed regular penis-in-vag sex had better blood-pressure reactivity to stress lower baseline levels of anxiety, and a more chilled response to the things that normally might get their blood boiling.
Your tolerance for pain will be worse
Sex releases the neurochemical oxytocin, which aids in pair bonding as well as pain relief. It’s basically nature's aspirin. If you suffer from chronic pain such as a bad back or regular, painful menstrual cramps, sex and orgasm can help alleviate some of those symptoms.
If you’re not having sex, you’ll have to stick to Advil and a heating blanket for your pain needs. Bo-ring.
You'll lose sleep
One of the best parts of that post-orgasmic glow is the ease with which sleeps comes. There is nothing better than a thorough bang-sesh and then drifting off into a happy, contented slumber.
According to WebMD, the hormone you release after sex, prolactin, causes feelings of “relaxation and sleepiness” and if you’re not having sex, you’re not releasing this hormone and therefore, sleep might not come as easily for you.
BRB, crying at the thought of not sleeping as much. Bed is BAE.
The only thing that will be sexier, actually, is your dreamscape
When you stop having sex in real life (even if you’re masturbating because it is not the same thing, lord knows), those unused sexual fantasies will begin to manifest in your dreamworld. All that built-up, sexy energy needs to be released somewhere! For some, those untimely wet dreams you had in junior high may return with a vengeance, causing you to climax in your dreams.
Which, you know as well as I do, doesn't come close to the real thing.
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