But none of that really captures the magic of what I get to see on a daily basis. I want to show you some of the most elegant, beautiful, mesmerizing, and excruciatingly painful morsels that I've come across during my last five years as an online dating consultant.
And yes, before you ask, I actually get paid to do this.
Online dating is a messaging game
I see a lot of bad dating messages. Like, a lot a lot. So many that in 2011 I actually made a website dedicated entirely to those terrible messages. But it's not all bad! I also see a lot of GLORIOUS replies to the world's terrible messages. Some of the messages are so comically bad that they actually border upon, dare I say, poetic. Like this one, which I'm lifting from a FOUR-STANZA love poem:
The quivering wings of the winter ant
wait for lean winter to end.
I love you in slow, dim-witted ways,
hardly speaking, one or two words only.
Funny, interesting messaging is hard to find
For the sake of my work, I've had to try out literally hundreds of dating sites and apps. I've even had to attempt dating across apps that are definitely not intended for dating (sorry, Yelp!). Sometimes, it works out surprisingly well. Other times, it makes me want to repeatedly bash my head against a wall. I become irrationally excited when people send me their online-dating messages and date stories. Some individuals are just unbelievably talented when it comes to messaging. Here's an example of an emoji- and food pun-savvy friend of mine moving from Tinder to texting to meet-up to follow-up without missing a beat.