These boundaries helped to ease immediate discomfort -- but practical issues are just one part of the equation.
Outside assumptions and our own human frailties are far more complicated to untangle
Often, we are put into roles of "villain" and "victim." Some people think Luke is the villain taking me away from James, the victim. Many people think I'm the villain, forcing both into an unequal relationship -- especially when they're not dating others.
These assumptions aren't true; yet they can make us feel bad about ourselves, as if we're doing something wrong. We have to remind ourselves that we are actively choosing this relationship style and we can all take advantage of it equally, even if we choose not to sometimes.
We also sometimes struggle with feelings of inadequacy. When your partner dates someone else, it's natural to question yourself and the strength of your relationship. What if that person is better than me? What if their relationship becomes more serious? What if they want to move in together? Or get married?
We try to let go of the "what if's" because we can't predict what will happen. Instead, we focus on maximizing our happiness, right now. I always show James and Luke how important they are to me through my words, thoughtful gifts, special date nights, being present in the moment, and being there when they need me.