If I have a choice between going out or having an orgasm, the orgasm is going to win every time.
Think about it: Going out kind of sucks. Bars are insanely expensive, the people are sweaty, grabby, and gross, and bouncers have attitude. You know what I don't have to pay a cover charge for? Getting myself off.
Staying in is magical. Where else can you take baths, eat Cheetos, and HAVE ORGASMS? Here are 22 reasons why going out is just dumb when your sex toys are at home ready to chill.
1. Orgasms are free. Bars are not.
2. Orgasms don’t cause hangovers.
3.You don’t have to take an Uber to your goodie drawer.
4. No lines. No bouncers. No cover charge. No tips.
5. You can stay in bed and bed is BAE.
6. Leaving your house requires putting on pants and a bra; an orgasm means taking them off.
7. You get to choose the playlist instead of some crappy DJ.
8. A cheap bottle of wine and a Hitachi Magic Wand are what dreams are made of.
9. Flirting is exhausting. Good orgasms are not.
10. You can have as many orgasms as you like and no one will cut you off.
11. An orgasm today is far more reliable than some attractive stranger.
12. Your vibrator actually knows what you want and how to give it to you.
13. You can’t get herpes from your Form II.
14. You had a hard week and deserve some "you" time.
15. Going out is a big commitment, but an orgasm can happen in seconds.
16. Lots of people primarily go out to get laid. This cuts out the middleman.
17. You’re a lot less likely to text your ex after you’ve gotten off.
18. You can have an orgasm and do a face mask AT THE SAME TIME.
19. An orgasm won’t stop you from binging Stranger Things tonight.
20. The record for orgasms is 134 (!!!!) in one session and you’ll never beat that if you don’t try.
21. With masturbation, orgasm is all but guaranteed. Intercourse's orgasm odds are significantly less.
22. Everything is better after an orgasm. That is just a fact.