Sex + Dating

All the Things You've Ever Wanted to Know About Penis Enlargement Surgery

penis enlargement
Daniel Fishel/Thrillist

If you’ve ever been curious about beefing up your bulge, for the love of god, don’t Google it.

To save your eyes -- and your search history -- we talked to the man behind many a magnified member, Dr. Victor Loria, and a former patient of his about sizing up. It’s time to stop beating around the bush with penis enlargement surgery, so you can, well… beat around the bush.

Girthier is the way to go

If you’re looking for a minimally invasive way to add some weight to your package, an implant is definitely NOT for you. Dr. Loria’s enlargement technique is done with a cosmetic filler à la Kylie Jenner’s lips -- not an implant -- and isn’t surgery in the traditional sense.

“I inject permanent filler material into the penile shaft, penile glans, and scrotum for enlargement,” he explains. “Other treatments such as fat transfer, Alloderm implants, Elist implants, skin autografts, etc., are all invasive surgical procedures and are associated with much higher infection and damage risks.” Dr. Loria’s procedure can and sometimes does add about .5 to 1 inch of flaccid length, in addition to plumping up your penis.

Assuming you like to err on the side of caution with your most essential appendage, it might be worthwhile to limit the risks you take to those that occur in the bedroom -- not the operating table. “This type of procedure seemed to be the safest technique as there are many years of research and millions of patients that have undergone these procedures using dermal fillers or collagen enhancers,” says one of Dr. Loria's former patients.

“Adding even a half an inch in circumference is very noticeable," he said, "unlike adding a half inch to length which is probably unnoticeable to a women. A half-inch increase in girth, definitely is.”

There is a sweet spot when it comes to size

You might be relieved to hear that there is such a thing as too big when it comes to penis girth. Dr. Loria recommends a 6.5- to 7-inch circumference for “optimal stimulation.” If you don’t have a tape measure handy, that’s like a robust, cucumber-sized schlong. It's also a whole hell of a lot bigger than the average Joe's girth, which is a mere 4.6 inches when engorged.

The largest patient Dr. Loria has is “about 8.5 inches in girth… too large for many women (and men), but he is happy.” A can of Coke is actually smaller in circumference, so god help that guy’s partner.

Side effects are minimal

As many women older than 30 already know, cosmetic fillers come with some pretty typical and mostly low-level side effects, including temporary skin irritation, itching, and redness. Same goes for peniis-enlargement filers. Dr Loria described his procedure as “almost 100% painless. The only discomfort was from the feeling of being swollen, stretching the penis skin after the injections.” And no need to get knocked out to rock your cock out; Dr. Loria primarily uses a strong numbing cream before injecting the filler.

The only unexpected issue that might arise (!) is if the filler shifts, which as Dr. Loria explained, may happen with the healing process and normal swelling. “The patients are instructed to observe and make any corrective shaping efforts as the collagen forms... this is more of an art than a science,” he explains. It also gives whole new meaning to the idea of rubbing one out.

Circumcise before you supersize

Pretty much any man is eligible for Dr. Loria’s penile enhancement, even the “elderly and diabetic,” he says. However, for some of you, sizing up may come at a cost… of your foreskin.

If your weiner isn’t kosher, Dr. Loria recommends getting circumcised beforehand. “The uncircumcised patient is much more problematic when it comes to shaping,” he explains.

Business as usual (and better) in the bedroom

After a recovery period of 21 to 28 days, you can go back to getting busy. And don’t worry, the menu hasn’t changed since you last visited the restaurant. All points of entry are on the table, assures Dr. Loria, provided the enlargement isn't too big for whomever's holes you're filling.

The patient we spoke to is in his 50s, and humbly admits “[my] manhood is not as sensitive as it was in my 20s. Reaching orgasms was becoming a little more difficult and would sometimes become an issue when I could not fully touch all four walls of my lover. Having a larger penis now means more physical contact and feeling for not just my lover, but for me also.”

The ladies love it

“Even though my fiance said she was happy with our previous sex life, she has confided with me and said that my thicker penis has greatly improved her ability to reach orgasm and is able to have more of them quicker together,” said Dr. Loria’s patient.

So there you have it. At least one woman has spoken, and size does matter. But having a third leg for a penis isn’t worth much -- unless it packs some muscle.

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Julia Reiss is a writer and humorist who loves dick jokes of all sizes. Get your fill by following her on Twitter: @thereisspiece.