Pokémon Go is the greatest thing to happen to Pokémon aficionados since, um, Pokémon. The game has taken the world by storm, leading young nerds to actually see the warming glow of daylight in hopes of catching a rare Jigglypuff, Pikachu, or those garbage birds that can’t seem to catch a hint.
One of the greatest things about the Internet is the notion that everything you love in real life has its own porn version online -- it’s called Rule 34, and it’s the reason you’ll see Chansey on all fours getting rimmed by Charizard when you Google “Pokémon” with SafeSearch off.
Actually, mostly physical.
You’d be crazy to say that Dewgong’s classically sensual shape and bright eyes full of mystery and desire don’t leave you with an admirable chub. Dewgong’s vaguely dolphin-shaped body leads one to believe that, within Dewgong’s head, is a brain full of intelligence, class, and fishy-thoughts.
What are you signing up for when you spend a wild night with Dragonair? Look at that sleek, sexy little body! That’s a recipe for unbridled pleasure. This long, serpentine Pokémon was designed for butt-stuff, IMHO.
Ditto can transform into whatever Pokémon it's facing, so you can have sex with yourself. Everyone’s fantasy! What you won’t usually get is a XXX-version of Pokémon that has heart, soul, true romance. This list of Pokémon I want to have real-life consensual intercourse with isn’t just about the physical act of love, but the emotional part as well.