If You Can't Poop in Front of Your Partner, Is It Even Love?

pooping in front of your boyfriend
Daniel Fishel/Thrillist
Daniel Fishel/Thrillist

True love means being able to take a poop, no matter the time or place.

Pooping is healthy; it's part of the body’s process. And it feels AMAZING. No one should have to keep their crap inside for the comfort of another person. Being open with your partner about your poop is nothing less than a sign of respect, love, and trust.

If someone isn't down with you taking a dump, how will they be able to deal with all the really scary stuff that happens in life? If you can't shit in front of your partner, it isn't love. It's not real.

It's just not.

The reasons people don't poop make me sad inside

I adore pooping. Don't even try to tell me you don't. You do. You love it. Everyone does.

So why doesn't everyone admit it? I'll tell you why: People are scared of tarnishing their significant others' perceptions. If your partner knows about your bowels, maybe they won't think you're made of golden light and rainbows anymore.

"If I poop in front of a guy, he's never going to think I'm sexy again," a friend told me. "I can't do that. It's screws up my mystique." Puh-leeeeeze.

This is not right! Love is about accepting someone and everything about them.

In a Healthline survey that tracked the bowel-movement habits of 2,000 people, participants cited embarrassment and stage fright as their reasons for putting off a trip to the porcelain throne. And almost 29% said they needed to be totally alone in order to feel comfortable taking a dump. That just makes me want to cry. What is with all the shit-shaming? I am not about to hold in my poop for someone. That is not what I’m about.

Pooping is healthy and it means you have a solid digestive track. Your boyfriend or girlfriend should be happy you're pooping on the reg and not miserable with an impacted bowel. If you're in a new relationship, why are you forced to pretend that you don't have a healthy body? That is not normal -- but a regular bowel movement is.

If you're not pooping around someone, you don't trust that person

If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't want to poop with you around, it is because they don't have faith in you. Being able to crap in front of someone is the ultimate testament of trust.

You may tell yourself you can't poop in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend because you want to keep the romance alive. But the truth is, it's because you don't feel totally comfortable with that person. You don't prairie dog for someone you give a real, long-lasting damn about. If someone loves you, taking a poop around them is not going to scare them away.

It actually says a lot more about the state of your relationship than it does about the state of your bowels. If you'd rather be constipated than poop in the same apartment as your S.O., you have got big stinky problems and they can't be held in or flushed away.

If you're not pooping around your partner, it just isn't love.

You shouldn't wait to shit at someone's apartment

According to the Healthline survey, more than 28% of men and 22% of women said they would wait between one and three months to poop at their partner's place.

Do you seriously want to spend a quarter of a year convincing your partner you don't poop? What is the point of that? If my boyfriend never pooped, I would be worried about his body, not how smelly a poop can be. Relationships should come with realistic expectations. This is real life, not an episode of Gossip Girl.

Why wait? If you give someone the wrong impression at the beginning of a relationship, they're going to be pretty pissed when they find out you were making something up about yourself. If you tell your new boyfriend that you looooove hiking, and then reveal three months in that you actually hate hiking and only told him that to look cool, you are going to look like an asshole.

We should celebrate our pooping habits with the people we love

Instead of shaming people or making fun of our partners for taking a big, old, smelly poop, we should be CELEBRATING. We should be so happy for our significant others for having healthy bodies that expel toxins on a daily basis.

It means the person we love feels healthy and cleansed. That is wonderful for them! If you really care about someone and think they're your soulmate, you should be able to drop a number two and know the other person is going to be just fine with it.

In fact, you should know that they are going to be outside the bathroom, ready to congratulate you for being so terrific. THAT, my dears, is true love.

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Gigi Engle is Thrillist's Sex and Dating staff writer and a prolific shitter. Follow her lovable crazy on Twitter, Facebook, iTunes, and Instagram @GigiEngle.