Sex & Dating

Sex Tips for Boring People: Post-Sex Blues, PTSD, and Extra Pounds

Published On 04/29/2016 Published On 04/29/2016

Why do men feel bad after ejaculating?

This is one of the universe's more complex riddles, much like the Sphinx or Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi. It's not like men don't want to cum. In fact, all signs point to the fact that they definitely, absolutely, 100% DO want to cum. Yet for some men, even after they achieve the ultimate in pleasure, they feel emotionally shitty. What could possibly be the problem?

"Men may feel sad or have feelings of despair after intercourse and ejaculation," says Dr. Michael Krychman, executive medical director at The Sexual Health Center in Orange County, CA. "This is a normal phenomena and has often been described in the literature. For some men, sex is an expression of power and with ejaculation their power has been expended." In fact, as Krychman points out, this has been a historic problem -- and well-documented phenomenon. "Every animal is sad after coitus except the human female and the rooster," wrote the Greek physician Galen, sometime around 150 AD.

... And they say women are complicated.
 

How does PTSD affect sex lives?

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is a very real condition that affects victims of trauma, like war, rape, violence, etc. For most people afflicted with PTSD, it is a lifelong condition that manifests differently, some ways more obviously than others. And unfortunately, bedroom fun-time can be an area where PTSD rears its head.

"If people are traumatized severely they can often experience severe sexual ramifications from the trauma," Dr. Krychman says. "For instance, rape victims, people who have had coercive sex, unwanted rough sex, or even those who expire sexual pain syndromes, may present low libido or avoid sexual behavior. Women who have been sexually molested as young children may experience higher levels of pelvic muscle hypertonus, vaginismus, or even sexual pain syndromes. Dealing with the underlying trauma is a step in the correct direction to help reclaim your sexual independence and control."

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I met a wonderful person, but I'm not attracted to her additional pounds. What do I do?

This is a really difficult question to answer because either way, you're an asshole. Truth be told, if the ONLY problem is her weight, you might just want to get over it. Still, there are plenty of ways to politely encourage exercise. For example, you might suggest she come work out with you, or throw out the possibility that YOU would like to be more active as a couple. If she has an unhealthy lifestyle, it's not outrageous to express your concern, without mentioning the word "weight." But be prepared that this might have no effect on her. You can't REALLY change someone. It could also be the case that there’s a medical reason why she can't lose weight, or just plain genetics. If everything else about her is pretty fucking cool... just give it a go. You might change your tune.

That said, attraction is half the game. You can't force it. And if you don't want to have sex with your girlfriend, that's not really ideal for either of you.   

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Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist. All of her dates are tax deductible. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter: @drillinjourneys.

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