Enough With Red Flags -- Start Surrendering to Relationship 'White Flags'

Person holding phone filled with messages
Oren Aks / Thrillist
Oren Aks / Thrillist

The ruthless hunt for red flags in a relationship has become an obsession that can, ironically, derail a relationship instead of strengthening it. We're so fixated on seeking out flaws, we end up missing the signs that we're at the start of something really good.That's why it's just as important to avoid tunnel vision by keeping an eye out for white flags.

What is a white flag, you ask? If you're bad at context clues, here's a quick explainer: where a red flag requires a negative emotional check, a white flag conjures up the opposite feeling -- feelings of love, comfort, and sweet, sweet surrender. A white flag is when you can completely let your guard down and surrender (get it?) to what's becoming a healthy, strong relationship.

So, to further help you understand and categorize the moments with your partners that make you feel warm and fuzzy, here are some white flags for you to look for.

Sitting on the couch together and not feeling obliged to cuddle

There's nothing wrong with cuddling -- but there's also nothing wrong NOT cuddling. When you've made the commitment of being, well, committed, you don't need to constantly smother each other with physical affection, because the true connection is -- wait for it -- in your brain.

Borrowing each other's clothes, regardless of gender norms and size

She looks terrible in your oversized black hoodie, you look ridiculous wearing her fleece beanie, but who the hell cares. When you can throw caution to the wind and re-appropriate each other's outfits for your own personal gain without a care in the world -- or taking issue with how they look -- then that's a win.

Asking to borrow a couple of dollars as if you were asking your mom

Money can be as touchy a subject as food sometimes, which makes this next white flag extra meaningful. When you start doing chores together -- laundry, grocery shopping, IKEA trips -- you start to realize the value you can get from sharing everything with someone else. Suddenly, feeling obligated to pay someone back becomes a thing of the past. That makes all loose change and dollars seem pretty unimportant, which doesn't make it a big deal when they want to borrow a fresh George Washington for that sweet, sweet IKEA ice cream.

Being entirely unconcerned about garlic breath

When you start consuming meal after meal together, it's only a matter of time before you encounter a dish or two that makes your breath smell like an old dumpster. Truly comfortable couples will simply ignore the god-awful fruit or vegetable that made their significant other's mouth smell like an old pizza covered in rubber. True love is when you can get to first base without dry heaving.

Wearing the most ugly, horrid outfit because it's comfortable

When you're in it for the long haul, you let your walls come down and stop doing all the annoying first date moves that plague people trying to get to know each other. With that, you stop feeling obligated to dress up for each other. Not all the time, mind you, but an outfit that you previously swore you'd never wear in front of a person becomes fair game. Baggy gray sweatsuit that's absolutely riddled with mustard stains? Hell yes!  

Showering together without attempting shower sex

Shower sex is, perhaps, one of the most overrated sex acts in the history of all fornication everywhere. If you happen to configure your bodies in the borderline-acrobatic position required to achieve penetration, you get cock-blocked by the gradual loss of body temperature from standing just outside the shower stream. Comfortable couples who've tried it once know that it's not worth trying again, which is exactly why they stick to business during a shower. Props to those who wash each other's hard-to-reach spots.

Couple sitting on couch with drinks
Anthony Humphreys / Thrillist

Buying two drinks at the bar: one for you and one for her

A common theme in identifying a white flag is knowing what your partner wants without having to be told. As a couple, you know what they like and they know what you like. Alongside that knowledge, there's always a sense of politeness that follows; if you know she'll probably want a whiskey ginger, you get a goddamn whiskey ginger. If she knows you like an ice-cold Bud diesel, she'll order two.

Changing in front of each other

Maybe I'm biased as a young man, but you kinda never lose the raging excitement that the sudden appearance of boobs provides. However, it can be recognized that there are two types of nudity: sexy nudity and business nudity. The latter of which happens quite often with a significant other, especially when you live with someone. It's during this time that the white flag of comfort plays a role in allowing you to happily observe your nude partner without feeling the urge to pounce them and lick their body parts. That's how you can tell you're a grown-up.

Picking wedgies with reckless abandon

Wedgies happen to everyone and will continue happening to people until Stephen Hawking puts his enormous brain to use and invents wedgie-free underwear. Until then, people will be picking their underwear out of their butts and their partners will silently acknowledge the wedgie while positively critiquing the form and storing away the information for future use.

Finishing the meal they were too full to eat

Without words, they pass their half-eaten chicken to your side of the table and, suddenly, you fulfill your destiny of being a human garbage disposal. A toast to dating people with small stomachs!

Farting and not feeling embarrassed

While we've come to learn that talking about poop is a vital part of the relationship, it's really the act of farting that becomes the de facto physical representation of love. Imagine being so comfortable with someone that you can release a cloud of toxic gas that you know smells bad and could potentially make them upset. When both parties can overcome this fact and lovingly toot their butts away with reckless abandon, you know you've got a good thing going.

Eating off of each other's plate without needing to ask first

Sharing food can be a touchy subject if one or both people in the couple are partial towards the decisions they make with their meal. However, the white flag peaks its little head out when you start to realize that having a significant other drastically increases your chances of finding and tasting an exotic new food.

Peeing with the door open

Let's be clear that pooping with the door open is gross. If you do it and you're both comfortable with it, more power to you. Peeing with the door open, however, is a white flag that truly conveys comfort and chill. Just make sure that the pee goes where it's supposed to go and doesn't make its way onto your partner… unless you're into that.

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Jeremy Glass is a writer for Thrillist and actually refuses to pee with the door open.