Seriously, you probably shouldn't have sex here
Turns out displaying your pasty white butt cheeks to horrified neighbors isn’t the worst thing that can happen while having sex up against a window. It giving way and you plunging several stories to your death is, as a couple in China found out. (Seriously though, WTF, China?) Tragic, yes, but a teachable moment. So practice safe sex by wearing a bag choosing one of these spots that’re way better to bump uglies up against than a pane of glass that’s no match for your passionate man throes.
- On a volcano: Lead time, bro. The gurgling and smoke spewing would give you heads up enough to make a solid run for it. Nevermind that you'd probably have asphyxiated from the ash beforehand, and your date would be like, "Wait, are we really trying to do the sex on top of a ruptured chamber full of magma?!", JUST GO WITH IT.
- Atop the President’s nuclear “football” (read: the "Oh Sh*t" button): Because there’s a good chance one of his agents’ lightning-fast reflexes will diffuse that situation before anything really bad happens. To the button. Not to you. You're probably screwed.
- In a combat zone: Sure, there'd be bullets whizzing by overhead, but it's doubtful you'd actually get shot. Probably. And anyway, people would lay down their weapons and stare in amazement at you for taking that whole "make love, not war" thing so literally.
- On a raft in alligator-filled waters: Look, if a brain trust of guys from Swamp People haven’t gotten eaten yet, you’re probably good.