Sex + Dating

Seven types of jeans that will keep you celibate

denim
Photo Courtesy Of Dismagazine.com

As the most important part of the dude-iform, it's that much more important you get your jeans right. Avoid:

Whiskered jeans
SSGlobalTech

Over-emphasized whiskers: What could possibly cause this much lap damage?? "Distressed" isn't supposed to describe our reaction to your jeans.

Saggy butt jeans
TheThriftinessMiss.Blogspot.com

Saggy butt: The analogue to the female, "Do these jeans make my ass look big?" must be the male, "Do these jeans make me look like I don't have one?"

hemline
Individualism.co.uk

Shredded hems: Did you pick an aspirational inseam length, or are you trying to impress the whole Phish parking lot with your "hobo renegade" look?

Contrast-stitch pockets
C2Offer.com

Contrast-stitch pockets: Like a crime scene outline for your ass.

Embellished pockets
EdHardyBuyOnline.com

Embellished pockets: contrast stitching's flamboyant kid brother. We don't want to walk next to someone who looks like he's an extra in a later life scene from the Bret Michaels biopic.

Jeans-or-Jorts?
m.MixedMartialArts.com

Jeans-or-Jorts?: Chicks dig men who think ahead, especially when it comes to rising sea levels due to climate change and unsoiled cuffs. Chicks don't dig indecisiveness. Or these. Or jorts, frankly.

Cargo jeans
DogPile.com

Cargo jeans: Perfect for stowing that unfinished turkey sandwich, imperfect for wearing around people.


How do you do dude denim the right way?

JT denim sale