Oil and lube might destroy your condom
We learned in the Guide to Getting It On in 2009 not to use petroleum-based products (baby or mineral oil, lotions or Vaseline) with latex condoms because THEY WILL DISSOLVE THE LATEX! As of this writing, polyurethane condoms are safe with oil-based lubes.
Don't get jizz in your eyes
It hurts! Also, you can contract chlamydia, gonorrhea, hep B, herpes, syphilis, HIV, and HIV. So.... don't.
Novelty items are for gags
If you bought it at the mall, it’s probably not meant for sex. “Motion Lotion," “Spanish Fly,” and anything listed as an “edible cream,” is not meant to go inside of a vagina. Sugar or synthetic sweeteners can lead to yeast infections and other complications. Be an intrepid consumer: double-check these products before you buy them! New brands for lubricant come and go quite often, but I stand by JO brand, ID, and Pjur, water-based and silicone.