Sex Tips for Boring People: Big Penises, 'I Love You,' and Open Relationships

When is the right time to say "I love you"?

The right time to tell someone you love them is… A) in order to get out of an argument; B) in order to get into someone's pants; or C) if, and ONLY IF, you truly mean it. I'll give you a moment to figure out which answer it is. You're smart. You got this. Right?

Saying those three little words can be downright terrifying, I get it. I mean, you're opening your soul up to potential ridicule and rejection. (No, but really, falling in love is GREAT.) Truthfully, unless you're manipulating someone for your own personal means, there's technically no wrong time to say "I love you" -- once you feel it. Still, saying it a little too prematurely could rub your SO the wrong way if he or she isn't necessarily there yet.

The first date is probably too soon. First time you sleep together is also probably a tad hasty. No one likes throwing it out there if it's not going to come back to them, so the best time to say it is probably when you know the feeling is reciprocated. There's a fine line between lust and love, and the two are easily confused. The only way to know which it is, is with time, experience… and each other.

There is that rare breed of human who has no problem putting his or her love out there with no need for anything in return. But if you're asking this question, you're probably not one of them.

At what point is a penis considered too big?

Umm… the moment it stops feeling good. More commonly, it's men wondering if they're big enough -- not that there's too much to go around. The widespread misconception is that bigger is better; but the truth is, not all vaginas are created equal. And, every woman swears it's really the girth that matters more. Every woman's interior square-inchage is different.

On average, a woman's vagina is 3-4in deep, sometimes a little deeper when aroused. The average penis size (when hard) is 5.1in. Anything larger is considered "big." Too big would be the point when she starts saying, "I literally have no more room for you, please stop." Or something to that effect.

And then there are those women who cannot get enough. If you're swinging a bat between your legs, find these women.


I'm in a relationship with a man who wants things "open" while he lives with another woman. Is this how polyamory actually works?

It depends on one very important hinge. Does the woman he is living with know about this openness? Is it mutually agreed upon, or is this his dirty little secret? The answer to that will guide the compass needle toward scumbag or not-scumbag.

Polyamory is a real thing -- not just something you saw on an episode of Big Love. And whatever your beliefs on the morality of it, people practice it. Happily. Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. (No, thank you, Wikipedia.)

In today’s world of blurred sexual-norm lines, polyamory is becoming more and more popular, or at least more talked about. If the guy you're dating is in this type of relationship, you have to ask yourself if you are comfortable sharing. If you are, then you go out and have your own fun as well. But you have to be honest with yourself and ask if somewhere down the way your proclivity for monogamy will cause problems. Chances are, he's not going to change his mind and "pick" you.

If the woman he's living with has no idea, then yes... he's a scumbag. You need to get out of that situation 30 seconds ago.

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Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist. All of her dates are tax deductible. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter: @drillinjourneys.