Sex Tips for Boring People: Foreskin, Facebook, and Being Frank

Sex Tips for Boring People will take your sex life from vanilla to passion fruit. Or at least from vanilla to vanilla bean. Find more sexy advice right here.

Embrace it! Seriously. Most American women aren’t used to handling an uncircumcised penis because most American dudes aren’t sporting a cock coat. Eighty-one percent of American males age 14 to 59 is circumcised (no, thank you Center for Disease Control and Prevention). But men almost every single other place in the world are, in fact, intact. It can be a little jarring for American women the first time when they’re like, “Whoaaaa what IS that?” But it works EXACTLY the same, and sometimes even a little bit better. 

First, when it’s hard, it looks pretty much exactly like circumcised penis, with just a little bunchy skin at the bottom. Touching it doesn’t add any sense of pleasure for him, but it can certainly be a nice little treat for you, as it will hit you from the inside in a new and hopefully exciting way. The only time it looks different is when it’s limp: like a poorly wrapped burrito. But how often are you just staring at a limp dick? Probably (hopefully) not that often. I know you’re an American woman as much as the next Heather Graham, but there’s nothing wrong with seeing how they do it in the rest of the world. Education is never a bad thing. Especially if you like burritos.

Um... if it’s frequent enough that you’re asking this question then that’s probably too much. While Facebook is great PRE-relationship because you can, for lack of a better word, straight out STALK your crush and drool over their photos and fantasize how great it would be if you were at that Thanksgiving table next year… post-relationship Facebook is a major detriment to the whole “moving on” portion of the break-up program. Constantly checking their page for updates, liking their new sexy profile pic, and exchanging messages on a consistent basis is going to say one thing to your new boo: you’re not over it. Even if you are, it’s really, really not going to look that way, and resentment/jealousy/all things to encourage snooping will ensue. And once that happens, well, it’s the beginning of the end. 

Obviously trust is the most important thing in any relationship, and hopefully you and your current flavor of the week have talked this out. Maybe you and your ex split amicably and everything really is fine and your new BF/GF is the coolest person in the world and is totally down. SOMETIMES THIS HAPPENS. But… not often. So again, if you’re asking this question, then it’s too much.

I suppose we’re looking for a more sophisticated answer than, “ask them”? Again this comes down to communication about what you like in bed, which I realize isn’t super easy when you’re young and still insecure about sex. But as you get older you’ll find that speaking up about what turns you on will obviously work entirely in your benefit -- and turn your partner on as they try to please you (hopefully). If having a sit-down conversation seems too formal and unnecessary, it’s always okay for you to take the lead. Start talking during sex. Ask your partner if they like what you’re doing, ask them what they want done to them. And if you're feeling really bold, straight out tell them to say something. “Tell me you like it,” or something to that effect, can be pretty hot. Just don’t get TOO demanding. Bossy sex is really hot... until it’s not. 

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Meagan Drillinger is a contributing writer for Thrillist. All of her dates are tax deductible. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter: @drillinjourneys.