Sex + Dating

People Reveal the Most Trivial Reasons They've Dumped Someone

breakup reasons
Jason Hoffman/Thrillist

Unless you're one of those people who married his or her first-grade crush, you've likely been through a few breakups.

And on that bumpy road of heartbreak, Hinge, and other horrible dating-related affairs, there are countless reasons for cutting ties. But who said they had to be "reasonable" reasons? Sometimes, your partner's little habit, one wrong answer, or even last name is just too awful to bear.

At least you're in good (shallow) company! Here are 28 true stories of petty reasons men and women gave the boot to their significant others.

Back in the day…

"When I was 24, I was seeing this girl who was still in college and a dorm RA. She told me how she wrote up her direct roommate the second day of school for breaking school policy -- aka for having a pet goldfish. What kind of horrible person would rat on someone they sleep 10ft from? I ended it shortly after that." -- Wayne*, 28

"When I was in college, I dated the sweetest, sexiest man who was on the wrestling team and who absolutely adored me. I was a cheerleader, and we could have been a total power couple. The thing is, his last name was Griswold [like, from National Lampoon's Vacation], and I didn't want to go through life hearing about how 'The moose out front shoulda told ya.'" -- Katie*, 46

"I'm not proud of this. But when I was in high school, I started seeing this really cute girl… until I learned she lived on this road in my town that's notorious for being lined with trailer parks. I refused to go over to her house and didn't want to give our relationship a title because of it, so I broke up with her. Joke was on me, though -- turns out, she lived in a mansion and she's really hot now." -- William*, 28

"Many decades ago, I was dating a fellow who took me to an amusement park. All was well as we played games. Then, I spotted a carousel and eagerly said I wanted to go on it. I chose a horse and began posting up and down while calling out, 'Yee-ha!' My guy just sat there hunched over on the horse next to mine [not even pretending to enjoy the ride for my sake]. So I dumped him that night because he was no fun on the merry-go-round." -- Cynthia, 73

Family affairs

"My mom said he looked like my cousin. I could never see him the same way again. Nice guy, though." -- Stephanie, 30

"A guy I dated over the summer invited me to an afterparty for drinks with him and his friends. Upon walking in, he catches me off-guard by saying, 'I want you to meet my dad.' I thought he was joking since we hadn't been dating all that long, but he was very serious. I spent an hour listening to his father preach some really radical religion shit because he was a professor. No, thank you. But since then, he passed me on his bike last week and sent me a Facebook message." -- Camille*, 25

"She had the same name as my mom. It was too weird." -- Mark, 36

Not my style

"I'd been seeing this girl who, to be fair, I was a little iffy about to begin with. But one night, we went out to a nice restaurant and she showed up wearing a poncho. I was out from that moment on. On a basic level, I guess I just thought, 'You should try to look hot for me on a date, not like a homeless lady.' I took the time to present myself in an attractive manner for her, so the fact that it wasn't reciprocated insulted me. Plus, it confirmed she made bad life choices." -- Chad, 36

"My boyfriend [of one year] was a nice and funny guy, but always wore these stupid graphic T-shirts. It started out as a small turnoff, but then he inappropriately wore a Superman shirt on vacation with my family… and a 'galaxy cat' shirt to a charity event! It was mortifying and showed a lack of judgment. We inevitably broke up because we lacked common interests; one of them being fashion." -- Sarah*, 33

Bedroom bloopers

"I was dating a guy for several months who would frequently (and soberly) sleepwalk and pee on my bedroom floor, then have no recollection of doing so. It was concerning behavior and I lost sleep every time he was over, so I shut it down." -- Nancy*, 29

"I stopped seeing a girl because she was way too quiet in bed. I couldn't stand the silence -- there was no buildup, expressions, or sounds, and she would eventually just whisper, 'I just came.' She told our mutual friends that the sex was great; so either she lied to them and me, or she was just ridiculously quiet during the act. Either way, it was too awkward." -- Michael, 28

"A guy I was seeing refused to smack my ass during sex because he 'doesn't like being told what to do.' Bye." -- Anne*, 25

Not-so-clean escape

"I dumped a guy because he literally didn't know how to wash his hair. He would only use conditioner and not rinse properly so his mop was always SO greasy. It was gross." -- Giselle, 29

"I stopped seeing a smoking-hot Denise Richards look-alike because she didn't groom herself 'down there' whatsoever. It was really wicked. I never asked her to, but I take care of myself for the sake of all parties involved and wanted the same in return." -- Mike, 32

"I broke up with a guy who had lint in his belly button on two separate occasions. Like, how hard is it to properly clean your whole body?" -- Andrea*, 35

"Remember the 11th commandment: 'Thou shalt bathe regularly.' A little musk goes a long way. I dated a guy for three months who I had to basically force into the shower whenever he'd come over [because he smelled bad]. Shower sex is great, but it shouldn't have to be the only possible form of intercourse for my nose's survival! I had no choice but to dump him -- it was either perpetually pruned fingers, or keep him around." -- Lee, 30

Was it something you said? (Yes.)

"I was flabbergasted when my boyfriend of two months 'informed' me that dog saliva was sterile. Dogs lick their asses -- how on Earth could anything in their mouths be sterile? I thought he was a moron after that and I dumped him a week later." -- Kate*, 29

"I had been dating this girl for about four months. We stayed in and watched Wedding Crashers one night, and she imitated the voice of Isla Fisher saying to Vince Vaughn, 'Don't ever leave me, because I'd find you!' Cute and funny when she did it then, but turns out it wasn't just an imitation. She never stopped using that voice... or even that phrase. It was so weird and became SO annoying. Toward the end of our relationship, I told her I needed a night out with the boys. And sure enough, she found me. Freaked me the f*ck out and I dumped her in front of an entire bar." -- Peter, 28

"I had been seeing this perfectly lovely guy. A total gentleman. But the minute he said he didn't vote in the 2016 election, I knew it would be our last date. That says way too much about a person's character, especially for this election." -- Meagan, 29

"This girl I'd been dating for two to three months asked me what I was doing over the weekend. I said I was going to a Lauryn Hill show. She said, 'Cool, who is that?' A few days later I completely faded her out." -- Santiago, 37

"I ended up breaking it off with a guy because he would intentionally misspell words in text messages. Specifically, he'd use the letter 'z' instead of 's' ('hey whatz up?'), and even add it as a sound where it wasn't needed ('lolz'). Super-nice guy, but it got in the way of me taking him seriously… all I could think about was stumbling upon his vows tucked away in a drawer two decades later, seeing the phrase 'I will alwayz love you,' and calling it off right then and there." -- Rachel, 34

… And something you didn't say

"I 100% stopped seeing this girl because she wouldn't say thank you. Dinners, drinks, shows, whatever: I always paid, and she wouldn't even thank me. I realized she probably felt like she didn't have to because we were having sex. So I stopped talking to her." -- Mark, 37  

"I was dating this guy who hated texting. I explained to him that if this was going to work, daily communication was of utmost importance to me, so he said he'd try to make more of an effort. But the final straw was when our respective NFL teams faced each other in the playoffs and he didn't even send a text after he promised he would." -- Julie, 29

Actions speak loudest

"I was seeing this super-sweet guy who always made plans for us to hang out, but then he'd be 15 to 30 minutes late. He'd arrange to pick me up at work, and then leave me waiting outside in the dark for him every damn time. It made me feel like my time wasn't important to him. He claimed it was just part of his personality, but that meant it wasn't going to change." -- Zoe, 25

"My girlfriend was a SoulCycle instructor. But then she quit that gig to take a corporate in-office job, which meant no more free classes for me. So that was the end of that." -- Colin*, 31

"I had been dating this great, gorgeous guy who didn't like that I was a vegetarian. Come to find out, it was because he took pride in feeding his girlfriends. And I mean literally: We were at a restaurant and he tried to spoon-feed me from his plate like a bird to 'show he could provide for me!' It was horrific. Whether his plate had barbecued ribs on it or not, I'm an independent woman! I told him right then it wasn't going to work." -- Laura*, 31

It's not you, it's me

"I dated a girl whose only downfall was that she was allergic to red wine. I work in the wine industry, and a big part of my life revolves around tasting different and delicious wines. It was a literal buzzkill that she couldn't share and appreciate it with me. Obviously she couldn't help it, but it ended up being a deal-breaker." -- Riccardo*, 25

"Because I wanted to date her best friend." -- Xavier, 31

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Brooke Sager is a contributing writer for Thrillist who canceled a date (and relationship) with a guy who texted her at 6pm with, "Can't wait for date night in one hour!" punctuated by multiple heart-eye emojis. She's sorry that she's not sorry, and invites you to follow her on Instagram and Twitter @HIHEELZbrooke.