Sex + Dating

Sucks to be this guy: The best "stay off drugs" cautionary tale EVER

magic mushrooms
Nick Gustafson

Turns out, just because you forgot to DVR Mistresses, your day doesn't suck as badly as you thought it did. Here's the lowdown on the latest guy drawing the short straw from the universe.Who: A 41yr-old man in Michigan.Why it sucks so hard to be him: Because he ripped off part of his own penis with his bare hands while under the influence of "magic mushrooms". How the hell can this be? According to the Ypsilanti Police, who found him naked and bloody from the waist down after setting off an alarm at a local middle school (?), he admitted to taking the hallucinogenic drug, flipping out, and then doing what anyone might do in that situation: trying to claw off his own penis and scrotum. It took six clearly grossed out officers to subdue the man, who was "doing a lot of yelling and screaming", said a statement by Captain Obvious. Further toxicology testing is being conducted, but the man had no history of mental illness or extensive drug use. UM... UNTIL NOW.