I also can't be with anyone who's not Team Jacob
"I used to casually hook up with this girl who I referred to as my secret girlfriend, not because I was ashamed of her, but because I was claiming I had put a moratorium on dating at the time, and didn’t want to get called out. We'd always get down at my house. One time, we went to hers. Mid-sex-time, I looked up at her bookshelf noticed Twilight sitting there, front and center. The whole series. Hardcover. With little tags sticking out of the pages, as if she went back and re-read certain passages and shit. I never called her again." -- anonymous Thrillist staffer
Tevas are very 1990
"I was once dumped by a woman because she didn't like the fact that I wore Tevas one day. This was my girlfriend that I was with for six months, too. It lasted for about two days after that. We’d be out, and having fun, and then she’d snap out of the blue and be like 'I can’t believe you wore those shoes yesterday.'
"Finally, when we were on a double date, I made an off-handed joke about them, and she asked if I had thrown them out yet. When I said no, she got up and told me to take her home, and we broke up that night. The best part, though, is that we went to the coast with a couple friends the day after… each of us had good friends from out of town who we wanted to see, so we both stubbornly went anyway. I wore those Tevas the whole time, even when I slept." -- anonymous Thrillist staffer
Watching the breakup would've been a good halftime show
"I dumped a girl because she was really condescending about football. She threw a dinner party on the same night as the Super Bowl. I showed up thinking it was going to be a Super Bowl party, but it turned out she had no interest in the game and was really adamant about not showing it.
"Funny thing is, I don't even like football, but I have great respect for the ritual of the Big Game, and thus I demanded it be played on a small TV in a bedroom. You might not remember this, but with 18 seconds left in the first half, the Steelers intercepted the ball on the goal line and returned it 100 yards for a record-breaking touchdown.
"I tried to get her to watch the replay and explained the incredible physical strength and unlikely agility and pure luck involved, but she was having none of it. After that night I ghosted on the relationship, 6 years before ghosting was even a thing." -- anonymous Thrillist staffer
Should've bought her a pair of JNCOs