25. Microwaved Ellio’s that’s still frozen in the middle
The caveat of biting into this iceberg is a layer of cheese that’s as hot as the surface of the sun: at least you can still pick off those little pieces of pepperoni for some good eatin’ while you apply aloe vera to the roof of your mouth.
Not technically sex, but still definitely better than not having sex at all -- you know? It’s the “let’s just put tomato sauce and cheese on a piece of toast” of the sexual universe, in pizza terms.
23. Week-old delivery pizza in the back of the fridge
It’s past the point of soggy, where the consistency of the crust matches the consistency of the rest of the slice. At this point, it doesn’t matter whose it is (or was) because all’s fair in love and fridge.
22. Whiskey dick with someone really cute
Whiskey dick is such a bummer, especially because it’s a terrible result of such a nice thing: drinking whiskey. It always happens during the most inconvenient times, too -- like, when you’ve tracked down the one who got away and she finally tells you that she’s into you.
21. Coitus interruptus
Commonly referred to as “the pullout method,” but we mean it in the literal sense of being rudely interrupted during a trip to the bone zone. Maybe it’s with a phone call, maybe a fire alarm, maybe a real fire... it happens and it’s no good.
20. When there’s way too much cornmeal on the bottom
A great slice of pizza can be ruined when the chef is too liberal with the cornmeal. How dare they think their customers actually like running their hands over the bottom of the pizza in an attempt to rub off the culinary equivalent to sand. Hmm… actually, this can be applied for both subjects; as no men or women should have cornmeal on their butts during sex.