Dating is like selecting a grocery cart -- we know someone used it before us, we just try not to think about how many hands before ours gripped that handle and set forth after the perfect kosher dill.
But even if your relationship is safely on the road to Serious Town, there are things that women will be less than thrilled to learn about the last female to ride shotgun. Apart from hearing that she was Upton’s less-plain doppelganger, the more meaningful stuff can be the killer. For instance if she was
- A Do-Gooder: We generally look up to women who help obliterate childhood hunger, establish literacy programs or bring life-saving vaccines to third world villages... Generally.
- An Adrenaline Junkie: Women who drive racecars, jump out of planes or can tear up a snowboarding half pipe are badasses...who we would prefer hadn’t shared a bed with you. They highlight the fact our biggest gamble is how long overdue to let the cable bill go before they black out Duck Dynasty.
- Your Fiancee or Live-in: While we’re happy to know you’re capable of that level of commitment, it's daunting to know she occupied that much real estate in your life -- literally and figuratively.
- The OHMYGODWHATWASIDOING worst. person. ever. Because it’ll make us wonder why you ever dated such a life ruiner?
- Radio Silence. If we never hear you utter a word about The One That Came Before, we’ll wonder if the relationship ended with her in witness protection, at the bottom of a body of water, or worse -- if you’re so detached that you’ve forgotten that love ever existed and now seek solace in the arms of sports.
So where’s the sweet spot between still-goes-shopping-with-your-sister, and a-restraining-order-is-all-that-connects-us? Don’t bring up your ex unsolicited, but when we do ask about her, be forthright. We just want to hear the basic, reasonable truths that your ex was important to you at one time, but now that time is over and your love is way past its sell-by date.