Seeing them naked and doin’ stuff
If you’re still at the stage where you think real-life sex looks anything like movie-sex, you’re doing it all wrong -- life, that is. Sex in real life is nothing like the erotic romps you see in the movies. It’s awkward, smelly, loud, and someone’s fat always gets pinched by a stray elbow.
Going through this with a loved one is hard enough, but jumping into a physical relationship with someone you don’t know is torture. The build-up can be even worse -- obsessing over every single detail on your body: your disproportionate feet, those oddly light-colored nipples, all that damn chest hair. It’s a miracle that humans actually like having sex with one another.
Hanging out in the daytime
It’s strange to think back and realize that you’ve never actually spent quality time with your new partner under the light of the sun. That’s just how it goes when you’re part of the generation where first dates typically happen during the late-night hours in the darkness of a bar.
The first hurdle to get over is figuring out something to do -- where do people go during the daytime? You very well can’t watch TV and order Seamless with someone you barely know… that’s why we have brunch: in which two strangers can eat and drink together during the early afternoon hours and have the choice to use alcohol as a crutch when the conversation sours.
Meeting their friends
Ah yes, a litmus test that’s arguably more important that meeting the parents. Meeting the friends -- specifically the best friend -- and gaining the approval of said peanut gallery can be an experience that’ll make or break the relationship.
If the friends don’t like you, you’re out. If you don’t like the friends, you’re screwed -- because, who’s she going to choose: her longtime childhood friends who’ve been with her through thick and thin or the part-time DJ she met on Bumble?
Getting into a fight
When you’ve been in a relationship for more than a year, you expect fights and -- more importantly -- know how to fix them before they spiral out of control. However, your first fight is truly terrifying; seeing a side of the person you’ve only known to be happy and accommodating is a rude awakening that can only be quelled with actual conversation and apologies.
The first fight won’t always dictate how you fix arguments in the future, but it is a good indicator in seeing how you two work when all that good chemistry goes bad. Saying sorry is hard, but long silences filled with ice-cold stares is kinda worse.
Deciding to be exclusive
Dating is a lot different than it used to be -- you’d be hard-pressed to find a couple who’ve known each other “since grade school” and have “never spent a day apart.” This is 2016! People go on ten dates a night nowadays and bail when things start to get serious.
Knowing there’s someone else literally a swipe away who’d be willing to drop everything to see you even a little naked keeps couples from being couples. And, sure, maybe your real soul mate isn’t the person you’re seeing right now -- that’s a scary thought, especially when that person wants to make things official.
That means no more flirting, no making out on the dance floor, no more booty calls, and no more glory holes. Wait, you’re both into glory holes? How wonderful that you found each other!