Be prepared to submit your whole life's story
Should you choose to flesh out an extended profile (which, like non-anonymous donations, comes with a substantially more lucrative payday), you’ll need to include a bundle of info that paints a comprehensive picture of “you.” Beyond the basics (education, profession, physical traits, etc.), this means baby and childhood photos, audio recordings of your voice, a handwritten greeting, an EQ test and more.
You could become a father for the first time decades after your last donation
Sperm can be frozen indefinitely, though most banks will likely use it, if at all, within a dozen years of its donation. Not always, though.
You are contractually obligated to masturbate up to twice a week
That’s right. If you make it through and decide to donate, you’ll need to meet their minimum donation schedule in order to get paid. And to think, you've been unknowingly abiding by that same contract—and then some—since you were 15.
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Joe McGauley is a senior editor for Thrillist Media Group, and childless as far as he knows.