In a time when dating is so utterly confusing and complicated, we ladies need all the help we can get.
We've got to decode and understand a man's every move. A guy is the summation of his choices -- even the smallest among them. And a lot of clues about him might be right in front of you… in his underwear drawer. From boxer briefs and tighty-whities to thongs or going straight-up commando, a guy's underwear choice actually says a lot about his personality. Here's how to debrief his briefs.
If a guy is a fan of standard boxers, he's a classic kind of all-American dude. He's a Kennedy! OK, maybe not that -- but he doesn't like to stray from what he knows or what is comfortable. He's probably been wearing the same five pairs of boxers his mom bought him at Ralph Lauren in 2008.
He can handle a strong woman because he's an easygoing guy. He's chill, happily clad in his red, white, and blue boxers with little anchors on them.
He isn't fashion-forward or full of himself. This is a straight-talking guy with more important things to worry about than fashionable underwear. He likely doesn't even think much about his clothes at all -- he's too busy figuring out how not to pay his student loans from that private college he went to.
Celebrity doppelganger: Ben Affleck
Boxer briefs (standard, short)
A guy who wears boxer briefs is a cool dude who may not quite know what he wants out of life... because life is a winding road.
He is into what is cozy and snug. This is the kind of guy who will open up to you about his darkest childhood memory, when he fell out of a tree and his dad told him not to cry and be a man. He's sensitive, OK? He's unafraid of his emotions and passions and wants you to know he's good with that.
He'll bring you coffee in bed and give you head before going on a five-mile run. He's a multitasker and a talker. He isn't afraid to rock skinny jeans, and he certainly isn't worried about what anyone thinks of him. The dude is too busy at band practice. Do you love his band? He wants you to love his band.
Celebrity doppelganger: David Beckham
Boxer briefs (standard, long)
This is not your standard fuckboy. He is a fully grown man... with fully grown briefs.
He's the strong silent type your mom always warned you about. He doesn't say much -- unless he has something to say. But you can tell what he's thinking just by looking into his smoldering eyes, can't you?
He doesn't play games and he doesn't mess around with hearts. He says what he means. He reads a lot of Edgar Allan Poe and talks about your future children, even though you've only been dating three weeks. He doesn't want to freak you out, but are you down to be together forever?
Celebrity doppelganger: Idris Elba
This guy is cheeky and puckish. He's the life of any party, because his sense of humor is always on point. He's 98% personality and it definitely works for him. He doesn't get embarrassed easily and is self-aware in a way that is actually super-sexy. He knows himself and that makes him cool without even trying.
He's the kind of guy who will tell you you have ice cream on your face before licking it off your cheek. He will say all of the hilariously mean shit you want to say to your rude co-worker, right to his face. He doesn't screw around and it's amazing.
Celebrity doppelganger: Aziz Ansari
Unlike their lady counterparts, only 2% of guys admit to wearing thong underwear. Is it the most comfortable? No. Does it provide clean lines? YES. A guy in a thong is a god damn fearless man. He gives no F's about society. He is his own damn person.
And that is what is important to the thong-clad man. He wants to look good (in what he imagines makes him look good) and is willing to give up a little comfort if he needs to, even though no one asked him to do that. He is a total goddamn weirdo, but he's just doing his thing.
Celebrity doppelganger: Channing Tatum
His jockstrap is reminiscent of his old football days and he just doesn't want to leave the past behind. Not yet.
Who could blame him? The man had buttcheeks that could cut diamonds! He's not going to cover that memory up with some flabby boxers. He's a wild guy. He's living like he was 10 years ago. He likes to party and he likes to dance. He's a good-time guy.
He might not make the best boyfriend, but he'll be a great fling (and lay). He's too lazy for real underwear, but too cool for tighty-whities.
Celebrity doppelganger: Dennis Haysbert (because Major League II was many a gal’s sexual awakening)
He might be called down-to-earth by some or dirty by others: dealer's choice! If he's not one to wear underwear, he's not one to sweat the small stuff, probably. He likes old Western movies and smoking pot out of an apple pipe. He probably does something off the cuff manning the bar at a cool, low-key dive bar, while likely still living with his parents. Hey, it's rent-free!
You might call him "grungy," but he prefers "practical." Why bother with washing your underwear when you can cut out the hassle and just not wear any at all?
Celebrity doppelganger: Woody Harrelson