10. Sex in a public place
I'm not exactly sure why people think this is so hot. First of all, most public places where sex is associated are dirty (airplane restrooms, or any restroom, for that matter), the beach, parks, sporting venues, taxi cabs, the bar).
Second of all, the prize for getting caught with your pants down isn't something cool like a trip to Disneyland or a pet dragon. It's just embarrassing and possibly incriminating. And while sex isn't anything to be ashamed of at all, this situation seems more like an anxiety attack than a reason to get off.
9. The quickie
You'd think this would be totally hot. Who doesn't love a little afternoon delight on their lunch break? But the quickie is, more often than not, only good for him. Unless you're packing the lube, it tends to take women a little more time to… warm up, so to speak.
Women, on average, need up to 20 minutes of foreplay to get off. Guys need five to seven. So while he's happily humping away, she's faking an orgasm and blaming the patriarchy.
8. Goodbye sex
This one is entirely relative depending on the nature of the relationship.
A steamy vacationship that consisted mostly of doing it in hot tubs for that one week you were on vacay in the DR? Sure, that will be decent. But chances are good that neither of you was emotionally invested anyway, so don't expect the goodbye sex to be much different than the last six nights.
Anything more meaningful will inevitably be passionate, tear-filled, and will end with promises about how you'll keep in touch and try to visit. Of course, at least one of you is lying.
7. Make-up sex
I'd say arguing with your significant other is the worst, but it's not really the worst because it leads to make-up sex, which is one of the higher levels of sex.
Fueled by relief, a tinge of lingering resentment, and the desire to do anything else but talk in circles, make-up sex is the ultimate catharsis. I'm not saying orgasms can fix the world's problems. But they certainly aren't creating new ones. Think about it.
6. Morning sex
Sex at the end of a date packs a lot of pressure. How do I look? How do I smell? Is there food in my teeth? Have I had too many whiskey sours to get off… or just the right number? Wait, am I even going to get laid at all?
Morning sex, on the other hand, means you most likely already got laid the night before. The pressure is off! Also, the playing field is completely leveled. You're both unshowered, neither of you has brushed your teeth, and the scent of last night's sex is still lingering in the air. Also, it's a proven fact that brunch will taste better after you're done.
5. Buzzed sex
Sex on substances is sloppy and often yields disappointment followed by the sentence, "It happens to everyone." But buzzed sex is all about confidence; and allowing that chemical courage to let you go for that thing you've always been meaning to try.
4. Cheating sex
Listen, I'm not here to judge you. We all know cheating is bad, and that people do it for a variety of reasons... one of which is that the sex is absurdly hot.
There's a reason words like "taboo," "naughty," and "wrong" trigger blood to flow south. We like what is bad for us! It's the same reason gym rats love their "cheat days." Pancakes taste so much better when you know you aren't supposed to have them.
Cheating sex is the chocolate chip pancake in your low-carb diet. The only reason why it's not ranked higher on this list is because, well, morals.
3. Hotel sex
Perhaps it's because it adds an air of anonymity, or maybe it's because the robes are so damn soft. Or maybe because within minutes of finishing you can have a tray of sandwiches brought to your room. Whatever the reason, hotel sex is always amazing. Always.
2. Love sex
Love sex isn't just about Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, and enough rose petals to choke on. It doesn't have to be dipped in chocolate and covered in silk. Sex when you are in love does NOT have to be cheesy.
Being with someone who knows exactly how to please your body, and more importantly, wants to please your body (because they love pleasing you) is SEXY. We only ham it up and roll our eyes because it's pretty difficult to find; and we are jealous of those who have. But deep down… like deep, deep down, all we really want is someone to tell us -- in the pouring rain, of course -- that they wrote to us every day for a year, and then we want them to lift us up and make love to us against the wall of the house they built for us.
Or something like that.
1. Breakup sex
Breakups are messy, heartbreaking, and exhausting. If, in spite of all that drama, you're emotionally detached enough to still have sex with this person, chances are the sex was the only thing holding that relationship together in the first place.
In which case, it's probably the best sex you've ever had in your life. Enjoy. And look forward to the inevitable late-night hookup six months from now, which will lead you to question whether you should get back together. You shouldn't, but you might.
Because the sex is that good.