The "Really Busy Entrepreneur" Guy
I'm all about a strong work ethic, but guys new to the business world are a hard "no" once you've hit a certain age. You're almost 30. You have your proverbial ducks in a row. You've begun to hit your stride. You have work/life BALANCE. Dating a guy who doesn't is going to bring you down.
At some point, the crazy schedule stops being impressive and starts being tiresome. You can tell your friends his startup is "really about to be big!" and "He just wants to make something of himself," the 30th time he cancels. He's just sooo busy, right?
Make all the excuses you want. You can choose to spend yet another night alone being put second to work, or you can find someone who actually gives a rat's ass about your feelings. It's great he has hustle. But a guy who doesn't think being with you is a priority is a guy who isn't good enough for you.
The Top 40 DJ
Also known as the "Going Nowhere Musician," this relic of your early 20s should be nowhere to be found by the time you hit 30. He was so hot with his leather jacket and hand-rolled cigarettes while you were in college. He probably had a lip ring. He said he'd make it big one day, but of course he didn't because all he did was remix deadmau5 and talk about how he was a Communist 78% of the time you were together.
Damn girl, you have a high-paying job now. Do you really want to be supporting a starving artist with all that hard-earned cash? You have got to move away from guys with "temporary" bartender jobs. Turns out, those guys are temporary themselves.
The Lukewarm Guy
The Lukewarm Guy always keeps you on the fence. He sees you once a week for dates, but never sleeps over. He sometimes texts you all day long, and he sometimes goes for weeks without responding. He keeps you interested; but he NEVER makes you his girlfriend.
You know who becomes attractive when you stop being a child and start being a grown-up with confidence and a sense of dignity? A guy who is insanely, head-over-heels wild about you. Gone are the days of ample patience for mind games and BS.
Goodbye, Tinder weirdos. We are WAY too old for this crap.
The truth is, there is genuinely no gray area with dudes. A guy is either obsessed with you or does not care about you AT ALL. If he's blowing off dates, taking days to respond, and being generally confusing, he's not into you. And you deserve better than that.
Oh yeah, and guys? Ditto for women. F all those people.
The Weird Fetish Guy
You're an adult and therefore know what you like in bed (at least, I hope you do). You were never obligated to date someone or do something you weren't comfortable with, but you now have the personal wherewithal to see it's a deal-breaker. You don't have to let Tim from accounting suck your big toe just because he wants to.
Unless you're into it, finding out a guy has a fetish you're not into is awkward. When the man you're dating is actually a "Bronie," it is not ideal. Why are there no normal people out there? Sigh.
There is nothing more tragic than a 30-something-year-old ass of a man. He's the guy at the bar who is still hitting on college girls. He still uses cocaine socially. He wears ill-fitting suits that his mom bought him. He's a grown-ass man who is nostalgic for the glory days. He is a bro and he sucks.
Don't get me wrong, he's kind of charming. Some small part of that insecure girl you once were long ago will be tempted to let him buy you a Bud Light. But don't fall into the trap. He won't call you back, he'll never commit, and he will be an enormous waste of time. I mean, come on.
The Mama's Boy
The old saying goes, "Marry a man who loves his mother." But it should really be, "Date a man who loves his mother, but not more than he loves you." A Mama's Boy has been catered to his entire life and can do nothing for himself. He can't even iron a shirt or change a light bulb. This is not sexy.
You are not a teenager and you should absolutely not be competing with a woman you can never compete with. Imagine the family holidays you'll have to give up because this freak show refuses to compromise, lest he upset his mommy. Doesn't that sound like your own personal brand of hell?
He has his mother idealized and like it or not, you will never be able to live up to his set of absurd standards. You deserve to be his main girl -- not second to his mom.
Now, go forth and find yourself a normal, hot man who is nice to you. You deserve someone who treats you like gold and also makes you feel HOT. Live your life and stop compromising, babe.