Sex on Friday

13 Instagram Red Flags That Scream "Don't Date This Person!"

Jason Hoffman/Thrillist (Edited)

Just because that girl you've started seeing has a decent Instagram page with some particularly impressive bikini shots does NOT mean this is someone worth investing in for the long haul. Same goes for that guy with the rock-hard abs who also looks deceptively hot with glasses on. The Instagram profile is the new window to the soul -- what you find there is critical in determining whether this person might be suitable for actual dating.

No matter if you met in person first or have just discovered this particular cutie online, here are some red flags to look out for while creeping that Instacrush on Instagram.

All the comments are from the opposite sex

If her comments section is filled with heart-eyed emojis or “simply stunning” written by a dozen guys whose profile pics are all taken in the gym, that’s a problem. If a guy’s pics are filled with comments from horned-up ladies, then that’s also an eye-opener. As a rule of thumb, you want at least 50% of the comments to be members of the same sex -- and preferably friends. If the ratio is entirely thirsty individuals looking to flirt, then this one is probably starved for attention. This brings us to my next point.
 

No friends in the comments

If there aren’t at least a few comments like “OMG you look amazing! Let's hang soon!” from a couple of old besties, then you may want to look out. A guy should have at least a handful of his buddies commenting, whether it be inside jokes or even lighthearted ball busting. Any evidence that actual real-world people like this person is an encouraging sign. However, not all friend comments are created equal. Be weary of “I’m so jealous of you,” “You aren’t fair,” and other bitter comments. Those can indicate that her friends secretly can't stand her.

 

A photo posted by A$AP OR NAH (@asapreilly) on

It’s 100% selfies

If you only take photos of yourself, it doesn't take much to discern that you're probably a bit (or more than a bit) of a narcissist. It means he or she is way too into himself/herself. If I’m creeping on a girl, I want to at least see what she’s been eating, where she’s been going out, what she’s been watching, where she’s been traveling, or something, anything, beyond what her duck face and peace sign games look like. Substance, people!

Too few -- or too many -- followers

This is a tricky one, because I don’t want to generalize and there are absolutely exceptions to this rule. However, I would recommend staying within the 1,000- to 10,000-follower range. For starters, anyone with more than 1,000 followers (and who isn’t following nearly as many people) will most likely be classified as “universally attractive.” Anyone with more than 10,000 followers will most likely take themselves (or their online presence) too seriously and probably knows all too well how attractive they are. These people will be quick to dismiss you or cut you off because there is literally a limitless lineup of possible suitors vying for their attention. Anything you think you can provide to them, they can go online and find within eight seconds. Consider the 1,000 to 10,000 range the safe zone.

A poor follower-to-following ratio

Keeping up with a bunch of interesting accounts is fine, but you always want to keep your "followers" total higher than the number of accounts you follow. If the scale starts to dip in the other direction, then that’s a giveaway that this individual is as basic as it gets. If a girl follows 600 people and only has 150 followers, I can pretty much guarantee that she loves the Kardashians, reads Cosmo every month, and goes to Starbucks daily. It’s just science. She’ll probably tell you how she’s different from other girls because she loves pizza and finds Chris D’Elia hilarious. If a guy has the same ratio, I can pretty much assure you that he finds Vine comedians hilarious, chugs a ton of Monster energy drinks, and installed his own stereo in his car.

They follow all the typical accounts

I always find it interesting to open up a girl’s following list and analyze what sorts of accounts she's into. Almost 100% of the time you’re guaranteed to see at least a handful of the same ones. I’m talking about Beyonce, Rihanna, FuckJerry, TheFatJewish, Betches, and every single one of the Kardashians. The list goes on, but you get the idea. If a girl follows pop-culture drivel and nothing else that you find remotely interesting, it's a pretty good indication that you won't find much interesting in person, either. The same goes for guys. If it’s entirely Instagram models and meme accounts, you may want to rethink things.

Following absolutely no one

OK, we get it. You’re super cool and superior to everyone. Except you aren’t Kanye West so get over yourself. And if you are Kanye West -- you're not single so what are you doing here? Anyway, following zero people is a dead giveaway that this person has WAY too high an opinion of himself/herself.

They delete all their pics

This is actually more common than you’d think. People think they look better or come off more exclusive if they have a lot of followers but only a small number of pictures posted to their profile. It gives them the aura of being important and like they gained their fanbase just off of these shots. It’s not uncommon for someone to post a normal number of pics and constantly delete them in order to keep their number of photos posted to a minimum. Anyone who does this is either alarmingly self-centered or a complete sociopath. Or both.

 

A photo posted by Janey Asher (@janemeredith) on

There are way too many food pics

Posting your food is like a staple of Instagram. It’s pretty much what it was invented for, so I get it if a person wants to post their plate from a nice restaurant. However, if someone is posting an absurd number of food pics in restaurants, then something is up. Food critic? Maybe. Girl who habitually goes on first dates to get a free trip to a nice restaurant every night of the week? Possibly. Guy who's taking a different girl out to a restaurant every night of the week? Also possibly. A steady sprinkling of food pics is fine, but if the flow is overwhelming everything else, it should give you pause.

 

A photo posted by Sarah (@smileforsarah) on

There are way too many food pics... from brunch

Actually, let’s expand this one to breakfast, lunch, AND brunch. If they’re steadily posting a lot of food pics between the hours of 10am and 3pm then that is another red flag. It means he or she doesn’t work or go to school or do anything productive with their time. Being available for heavy, boozy, midday meals four times a week is not something to brag about.

Their pics are 100% parties

If you’re looking at a girl or a guy’s profile and it seems as though they’re at the club three or four times a week, then you may want to hold back. Popping a bottle for a special occasion is fine -- making a habit of doing so on a consistent basis, and feeling the need to show it off, is an entirely different story. This kind of person is probably fun to meet up with at a club, but is not exactly the type of person you can get into a relationship and watch Netflix with. Loud, expensive clubs get pretty old pretty quickly, and I really like sweatpants and soup.

Posting bikini pics on a yacht in Dubai

Girls get poached off of Instagram all the time by successful businessmen who basically spend a fortune to fly them out and treat them like escorts. In conclusion, if the girl of your dreams passes all of these tests but she’s posting a bikini pic from a yacht in Dubai, it’s because a rich old guy is going to pee on her later. Look elsewhere.

Posting a bunch of pics of a yacht in Dubai

That guy is just looking for people to pee on.

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Tyler Lemco is a writer and man of interest from Montreal, Canada. You won't find too many red flags while stalking him on Instagram: @tlemco.