Weddings! Done right, they're a chance to celebrate true love and drink mid-shelf liquor with your closest friends… all while enjoying passed trays of bacon-wrapped scallops and some of Stevie Wonder's more celebrated early works.
Done wrong? Everyone will remember you FOREVER as that guy (or gal!) who completely ruined everything and became a harbinger of a near-certain early divorce. Or, you know, they'll all just privately kind of think you're the worst.
But fear not: you can navigate the day-long minefield of faux pas with this guide to everything you shouldn't be doing. Print it out, laminate it, and bring it to the wedding with you.
Wait no! That was a joke! You seriously thought about it. Oh man, this is worse than we thought.
Here it goes:
Showing up late to the ceremony
There is no such thing as fashionably late to a wedding. You should be seated at least 10 minutes before the posted go time. Yes, this even goes for unfathomably long Catholic weddings -- wait… now it's the unity candle?! Will this thing ever end?