Sex Tips for Boring People will take your sex life from vanilla to passion fruit. Or at least from vanilla to vanilla bean. Find more sexy advice right here.
Can you black out from a strong orgasm?
A good orgasm, like pumpkin pie and a marathon of Law & Order: SVU on a Sunday night, is pretty much the greatest thing around. There's nothing quite like that moment when your body builds with that aching pleasure only to culminate in a back-arching electric explosion, sending chills down your spine, while warming all your right parts simultaneously...
But as good as orgasms can be, is it actually possible to have one SO good that you black out? Not really. "An orgasm is an intense neurological event that causes a cascade of different neurotransmitters to fire," says Dr. Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy. "It's a release of sexual tension. I don't have patients who have reported blacking out."
Kerner suggests blackouts could be possible when sex is mixed with medication, drugs, or alcohol -- but otherwise, they're not likely. "When people orgasm they will describe an out-of-body state, or an out-of-consciousness," Kerner says. "People are very subjective when describing orgasms, so it's possible what for someone is an out-of-body experience to someone else feels like a blackout."
Bottom line: if you haven't had a truly memorable orgasm I urge you to go home and practice until you do. Or, if you're lucky enough to have someone willing to help you, call them. Immediately. You have work to do.
Is it possible to get rid of an unwanted fetish?
The word "fetish" is used far too often these days to refer to any type of sexual proclivity or preference. The actual definition of fetish is "a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc." So if you like big boobs, you do not have a fetish. Now that we have that out of the way, if you do indeed, have a fetish, can you get rid of it?
"Some psychologists believe that fetishes are a result of conditioning and imprinting from when we are very young," says Kerner. "Traditionally we turn to the idea that a sexual imprinting of a fetish might be the result of a type of trauma. There's research today that supports that fetishes may just be orientations, like if you are gay or straight. It's hard to know how to treat a fetish when you don't always know what's causing it."
In Kerner's professional opinion, fetishes are often the attempt to master some sort of childhood trauma. "I have one patient who is obsessed with tickling and being tickled during sex, and that has a basis in some childhood events that were somewhat traumatic," he says. "What I do with men who have problematic sexual behaviors or feel like they have very rigid fetishes, is I create an environment that gives them permission to explore it. I affirm the part that they may consider unhealthy about themselves."
Kerner believes in addressing the particular fetish, normalizing it, and affirming it. That way it doesn't seem so taboo and may therefore become less of an urge. "You often can't reduce the excitement of a fetish," he says, "but you can increase inhibitions around the fetish and build an overall sexual health plan."