A religious experience
“‘This Jewish girl was like, ‘Ahh I didn’t know you're Jewish?’ And I started laughing. I was like, ‘No…’” --Paul, 28
For context, it might help to know that Paul is Italian and Catholic. It might also help to know (for all you goys out there) that Jews are typically circumcised. Plenty of non-Jews are circumcised, too, though. It’s sort of like that thing you learned in math: a square is a always a rhombus, but a rhombus is not always a square. Except in this case, “square” means Jewish and “rhombus” means sans foreskin. It’s a lesson in anatomical geometry.
P-push it real good
“When I was 18, I had a girl tell me to pretend her vagina was a Push Pop, while I was trying to figure out how to go down on her. Which in hindsight is weird, but it was helpful at the time.” --Daniel, 28
I like where this girl’s head is at (pun intended). Way to appropriate the sexuality of phallic food items!
“You remind me so much of my sister.” --Me (Julia), 28
I still can’t watch Joe Dirt. I find it triggering.
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Julia Reiss is a writer and standup comedian who will tell the whole internet if you say weird shit to her in bed. She’s been known to tweet about it, too. Follow her: @thereisspice.