“All dicks are weird.” -Diana, 27
Trying to make a dick look pretty is sort of like trying to put lipstick on a pig. What’s more, of the women who preferred a Kosher dog, few said they would actually turn down the sexual advances of someone they liked just because he wasn’t circumcised. For most of them, function trumps form.
“Just be hard.” -Beth, 55
You tell ‘em, Beth.
However, nearly the same amount of women claimed to prefer a penis that could be attached to someone whose last name that ended in “stein” or “berg,” even if they themselves are not Jewish. While it’s true that circumcision is one of the oldest traditions of Judaism (shout out to Leviticus 12:3!), it’s also a very American thing to do. For better or for worse, a clean-cut penis is as American as hamburgers and the Second Amendment. Some blame the Yankee obsession with cleanliness, even though there are conflicting reports as to whether or not circumcision has true value in terms of health, and it remains one of the most highly debated procedures in medicine. For many of the women polled, this preference is mostly aesthetic and rooted in familiarity.
“[An uncircumcised] penis reminds me of those toys from the '90s. You know, the ones filled with water that would slip through your hands. It’s too much to work with.” -Gabi, 28
But then there are the more devout disciples...
“Give me circumcision or give me death.” -Allison, 28
For the women out there who have never experienced a penis in its natural state, which includes 22% of our poll, it can be intimidating simply because it’s foreign (metaphorically and probably literally). Although once it’s erect, it’s pretty much business as usual depending on the amount of skin present. See, this is the reason every girl should do a semester abroad.
Perhaps shockingly, only four of the 50 women polled prefer a penis au naturel, and you can include me in that four. They way I see it, dicks are like iPhones: they are very delicate and ought to come with a carrying case. Despite being half Jewish, I find circumcision completely barbaric, and so did some of the women I spoke with. While I can understand how it might have been the “clean” thing to do back in the day before running water was a thing, and we were washing ourselves exclusively with lard and lavender, circumcision seems totally unnecessary now. In fact, circumcision in most of the world is much rarer and almost exclusively done for religious purposes.