- Is my Apple Watch under the bed?
- You're, like, Amy Schumer hot.
- You were, like, really into it.
- Do you know Bon Iver?
- Do you know what Bon Iver means though?
- I'm considering an MFA.
- Your butt looks like an old painting.
- You look like a combination of Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry.
- You've gotten better at that.
- What day is it?
- Do you have a 'Droid charger?
- I'm 19.
- I can't drive you home, I'm on 'shrooms.
- My brother is a Vine star.
- You seemed more like a Virgo online.
- Those are oak trees.
- Cigarettes are cartoonish.
- Oh, I've been in jail.
- Are you still doing improv?
- Want to come to my karate class?
- I have a boat.
- See you around.
- Do I look like Hozier?
- Let's go to Whole Foods.
- Boobs are cool.
- I have to go work on my sound collage.
- I’m 6'3", so...
- I’m starting a web series when I get back in town.
- Me and my boss are musicians.
- I have the best sound system in lower Manhattan.
- Squirt comes out the pee-hole.
- Do you know how to make a private Facebook event public?
- Have you seen Master of None?
- Was that so bad?
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Catherine Cohen is a writer/actor/voice-over artist living in Brooklyn. She performs on a house sketch team at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and hosts the monthly variety show "It's a Guy Thing" in Williamsburg. She is part of the New American Comedy collective and performs stand-up all around NYC. She graduated from Princeton University with a degree in English and theater. Follow her for Instagram poetry and tweets: @catccohen.
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