Sex + Dating

Things Dudes Have Said to Me After Sex

couple in bed, couple after sex, couple fighting
Air Images/Shutterstock
  • Is my Apple Watch under the bed?
  • You're, like, Amy Schumer hot.
  • You were, like, really into it.
  • Do you know Bon Iver?
  • Do you know what Bon Iver means though?
  • I'm considering an MFA.
  • Your butt looks like an old painting.
  • You look like a combination of Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry.
  • You've gotten better at that.
  • What day is it?
  • Do you have a 'Droid charger?
  • I'm 19.
  • I can't drive you home, I'm on 'shrooms.
  • My brother is a Vine star.
  • You seemed more like a Virgo online.
  • Those are oak trees.
  • Cigarettes are cartoonish.
  • Oh, I've been in jail.
  • Are you still doing improv?
  • Want to come to my karate class?
  • I have a boat.
  • See you around.
  • Do I look like Hozier?
  • Let's go to Whole Foods.
  • Boobs are cool.
  • I have to go work on my sound collage.
  • I’m 6'3", so...
  • I’m starting a web series when I get back in town.
  • Me and my boss are musicians.
  • I have the best sound system in lower Manhattan.
  • Squirt comes out the pee-hole.
  • Do you know how to make a private Facebook event public?
  • Have you seen Master of None?
  • Was that so bad?

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Catherine Cohen is a writer/actor/voice-over artist living in Brooklyn. She performs on a house sketch team at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and hosts the monthly variety show "It's a Guy Thing" in Williamsburg. She is part of the New American Comedy collective and performs stand-up all around NYC. She graduated from Princeton University with a degree in English and theater. Follow her for Instagram poetry and tweets: @catccohen.