“I remember hearing my friends make jokes about [semen] in fifth grade and having a vague idea of what it was, but I thought it was mustard colored and had the same sticky, elastic consistency as chewing gum.” - Jess, 30
Just stick it in
"Anatomically I knew what went where, but I thought that you just stuck it in and then laid there; I didn't think you moved around or anything. I didn't even consider that there was some sort of goal, so my version of things made total sense." - Taylor, 26
Sleeping isn't sex
"I grew up in a super-conservative home, so I originally thought sex was when you slept in a bed with a boy. Just sleeping. Every time I had to share a bed with my brother, I was terribly afraid of spawning mutant children." - Bridgette, 21
What masturbation isn't
"For some reason I thought masturbation meant sucking our own dick, which I told to all of my friends. Later my sister corrected me, and I had to break the news to my friends that I was wrong." - Christopher, 28
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Dan Gentile is a staff writer at Thrillist. He now realizes his own childhood ideas weren't that strange. Follow him to his parents being PISSED at @Dannosphere.