There's no better escape from the drudgery of real life than an ice-cold beer and a piping-hot movie. It's the perfect way to tune out the deafening noise of car horns and texts from your dad asking you to help him make sense of Reddit.
A film doesn't even necessarily have to be based in reality to be financed and released nationwide: take Funny People, for example; a movie that explores a world in which Adam Sandler actually makes people laugh. Remarkable!
However, there are some tired cliches remaining in cinema that cue eye rolls from even the most diehard movie fans -- and they're always during sex scenes. Why is movie sex always so bad and unbelievable? Doesn't matter, we're not here to change it -- just to complain.
Nobody ever uses protection
Spontaneous sex definitely happens in real life and can actually be a really fun way to shake up an otherwise boring routine... but the way it's portrayed in movies makes it into an act that causes both parties to forget that things like condoms exist.
Do you think Scarlett Johansson grabbed a handful of condoms before going to the bone zone with Jonathan Rhys Meyers in Match Point? Boning a loved one in the middle of Frozen may seem fun, but a steamy memory won't get all of those crabs out of your pubic hair. Seriously, how hard is it to run to your bedroom to grab a condom before you engage in sweet, illicit hallway sex?
Nobody ever cleans up afterward
Maybe I'm the crazy one for insisting upon a good post-coital scrub-down in the sink, but I think the notion that people can just fall asleep after having dirty sex is ridiculous. What about that after-sex smell? Consider urinary tract infections. The stickiness?! Why not take advantage of being naked by jumping in the shower afterward? You can even jump in together, which brings us to our next point...
Shower sex is never awkward
It only takes one romp in the shower to know that it's extremely difficult to have sex in a tiny porcelain box. Raise your hand if you've ever successfully found a way to do it in the shower without endangering both of your lives. Still, Hollywood manages to make it look like the most romantic thing on Earth and somehow always leaves out the part where you have to stop midway through to wash all that shampoo off your dick.
Let’s not forget pool sex, too -- here's lookin' at you, Showgirls.
She's always ready to go
Let's give a big shoutout to Michelle Monaghan for perpetuating the myth that some women don't need any time to warm up between disrobing and full-on penetration. You can literally just take off her clothes and throw it in without any lubrication or foreplay. Seriously, if you don't believe me, watch the pilot of The Path or episode six of True Detective.